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Welcome
to the official website of
China Restoration of Asian Cinema Kingdom
Last
Updated: April 1st, 2005
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Dedicated
to ending piracy and illegal downloads,
bringing Hong Kong and Chinese Cinema back to the forefront
of International Cinema,
and crushing the likes of Korea, Japan, Thailand, Singapore,
and Taiwan beneath its heel,
the China Restoration of Asian Cinema Kingdom (CRACK) is
on the job.
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Eric Tsang,
President of CRACK
"I'm sad.
Can't you see
that I'm sad?
Take a look at
my expression!
This is my sad
expression." |
All
About CRACK
Eric
Tsang has a reason to be sad. Hong Kong Film is dying, and
nobody can do anything about it. Until now. As the leader
of China Restoration of Asian Cinema Kingdom (CRACK), Tsang
is working to make sure that Hong Kong and China regain
their top spot in the Asian Cinema world. CRACK has hired
a group of Hong Kong Cinema luminaries, including megaproducer
Wong Jing, cosmetic surgery specialist Teresa
Chiang, that lovable pig McDull, plus high-powered
lawyer Ekin Cheng, and some other nutjobs to take
on the rest of Asia, and that most dreaded of foes: Piracy.
Their plans are numerous, but the first order of business:
a massive nuclear strike on Mongkok. There might also be
a lucky draw, and maybe a nice banquet.
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CRACK's
Axis of Evil, as explained by Eric Tsang
Bit Torrent
"I've never used this BT thing, but I hear it's bad,
real bad. It better stop. I mean it!
Boy'z
"Did you see 6AM? I've put a hit on the filmmakers.
I should get a call back in about an hour."
Miramax
"Thanks to them, I can't even see my own movies on
DVD!"
LoveHKFilm.com
"How can he name his site LoveHKFilm.com? Is he trying
to be ironic or something? I kicked ass in Partners!"
John Woo
"Didn't he use to be a film director?"
South Korea
"Using a whole pack of tissue at a movie doesn't
mean it's good! Why don't people realize that!?!"
Ong Bak
"Damn that Tony Jaa kid! He's stealing HK's thunder!
I'm getting his legs broken next week!"
The Wachowski Brothers
"Thanks to them, everyone thinks martial arts movies
suck!" |
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The
terrible price of piracy...
Nicholas
Tse became
an NBA referee. He was
recently killed when
Yao Ming stepped on him.
This is bad. 'Nuff said.
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Thanks to piracy,
Aaron Kwok is
out of work, and has to select
and purchase his own wardrobe.
Someone stop this madness!
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2R is out of
work, and has
resorted to threatening
tourists for their cash.
They recently ran into...
...Boyz, who
lost their minds
when they disbanded and became
vigilantes. Now they work at KFC.
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The
lone exception to all of this:
Can nothing stop these girls?
Finding Osama Bin Laden would be easier than putting
a muzzle on this duo.
What happened to fair competition?
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Ekin Cheng,
Attorney at Law |
And
now a brief word from Ekin Cheng,
Legal Representative for CRACK
"Hi there. If my experience in the
Hong Kong Entertainment Circle has taught
me a lesson, then this is the lesson: people
are stupid. Eric Tsang and Wong Jing expect
me to represent them in a court of law. Ha!
I'm just collecting a paycheck! The joke's
on them!
"Years ago, I fooled the world into thinking
I was some sort of superstar, and now I've
got these guys thinking I'm a real lawyer
- all because I got a pair of glasses! Like
I said: people are stupid. These so-called
"movie fans" are the same way. They
think that because they can download movies,
then it's okay. Well, it's not! People should
stop making stupid assumptions. Back when
I made 70 Young and Dangerous movies,
people assumed that I was some sort of superstar,
or worse, a gang leader! Get this straight:
if I saw a pack of guys with machetes and
knives running towards me, I'd run my ass
out of there! It's what any reasonable person
would do! Reasonable people also pay for their
movies because that's what they're supposed
to do. It's called right and wrong. I'd tell
you to look into it, but you'd have to actually
read this far to hear me say it.
"Let's
sum up: Wong Jing and Eric Tsang are fooling
themselves into thinking I can run their legal
ship. I'm making six figures because of my
glasses and tie. People who download movies
are fooling themselves into thinking it's
okay. You can point the finger at your parents,
your friends, the filmmakers, the movie business,
China, Hollywood, or me if it makes you feel
better, but here's the bottom line: people
are stupid. They don't do their homework,
they don't read the fine print, and they don't
pay for their movies. Stop taking things for
granted! You're killing the movie industry
and allowing guys like me to earn six figures
for wearing a pair of glasses! Pay for your
movies, you bastards! I'm Ekin Cheng."
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THIS
PICTURE SAYS IT ALL!!!
Q:
Do you think piracy is bad?
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Would
you like to donate to the cause? Go see a Hong Kong movie.
It's only eight bucks, damn you!
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