It’s time.

It’s definitely time.

It’s time for me to come in from nude sunbathing out on the beach and get to work on my first post for 2009 — a post about my “mosts” of 2008.

Before I begin, a caveat:  If my picks for the “mosts” of 2008 seem a bit vanilla, a bit uninspired and a bit dated, it’s because torrents and illegal downloads have killed my local Chinese video store so I now have to order in HK films.  As a result, I’ve been limited to the major releases (like RED CLIFF) or films that I have an interest in seeing (like Tissot Presents CONNECTED: A Motorola Film Presentation).  I’ve had to pass on films with negative reviews (like AN EMPRESS AND THE WARRIORS) and the marginal titles (like those Wong Jing productions: MY WIFE IS A GAMBLING MAESTRO and THE FORBIDDEN LEGEND: SEX & CHOPSTICKS).  Ah, who’s kidding who?  I’m going to be seeing SEX & CHOPSTICKS at some point in my life …

In the past, I would have seen everything but having to pay fifteen to twenty bucks to see a film is a much different steaming tray of cha siu bao than having to pay four bucks to see a film.  I need to save some money for hookers and blow … OK, OK, the truth … Doritos and porn. 

I saw 24 Hong Kong films in 2008 (yeah, I keep movie-viewing stats … a side effect of being a sports geek) but a number of those were catch-up titles from 2007. Consequently, some older titles will be in my “mosts” selections.  I’m also not going to be able to offer any “diamond in the rough” suggestions like CLEAN MY NAME, MR. CORONER.  The closest I can come to making a recommendation of that ilk is the Martin McDonagh film IN BRUGES.  It tells the tale of two hitmen who are forced to cool their heels in the Belgian city of Bruges and has some definite Hong Kong movie DNA in it.  In fact, it reminded me a lot of EXILED.  So, if you like Johnnie To films and the “honour among thieves” genre, I think you’ll enjoy giving IN BRUGES a look.

On to my “mosts” of 2008:

Most Enjoyable Film Experience: RED CLIFF

Since the phenomenal success of CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON, movie fans have been left looking in dismay over an immense wasteland filled with the carcasses of ambitious but fatally flawed “costume epics made for the international market”.  Look over there!  It’s the empty shell that used to be known as THE BANQUET.  And here, we have the corpse of THE PROMISE.  What’s that smell?  It’s the rotting flesh of SEVEN SWORDS.

Finally, after eight long years, a big-budget, star-studded production has come along and delivered on its promise.  Unlike some of its predecessors, it doesn’t leave viewers feeling disappointed (I’m looking at you THE BANQUET), puzzled (SEVEN SWORDS) or laughing derisively at the unintentional comedy (THE PROMISE). While RED CLIFF VOL. 1 (volume 2 comes out later this month) isn’t a pantheon-worthy masterpiece, it is solid entertainment and thoroughly enjoyable.  It’s well-made with the familiar Woo style, doesn’t indulge in over-production, tells a coherent story that satisfies and, while the comedy can be a bit corny, viewers are likely to laugh with it instead of laugh at it.Some of you may be thinking that RED CLIFF was OK but it wasn’t the most enjoyable film experience of 2008.  Well, it was the most fun I had watching a movie from the three Chinas (Mainland, HK, Taiwan).  For the record, the most fun I had at the movies in 2008 was IRON MAN.

Two factors enhanced my enjoyment of the film:

One, I’m a ROMANCE OF THE THREE KINGDOMS geek.  I own the book.  I own the original KOEI PC game when everything fit on one 5 1/4″ inch diskette and used less memory than a Lin Chi-Ling JPEG.  Even though they are all essentially the same game, I own the PS2 versions of DYNASTY WARRIORS 3, DYNASTY WARRIORS 4 and DYNASTY WARRIORS 5.  By the way, my high score at the Battle of Chi Bi is 1383 KOs with Zhao Yun.  Yes, I am a true hero of the Three Kingdoms.

Two, I’m a John Woo fan.  A BETTER TOMORROW and HARD-BOILED are enshrined in the Republic of Sanneyistan movie pantheon.  Coupled with the fact that John Woo had not directed a Chinese film since 1992, I was all geeked up for RED CLIFF and the familiar John Woo flourishes: the bromance, the notion of honour between men, the slow motion shots and, of course, the pigeons.  It’s sort of like how WWE fans go insane whenever Hulk Hogan appears.  It doesn’t matter that he’s well into his 50s and that he has the agility of a hippopotamus.  People still go nuts whenever “Real American” starts blasting on the loudspeaker and he does the familiar posedown, the waving at the fans to cheer and the leg drop. Whatcha gonna do when John Woo unleashes a bromantic action drama on you?  Sit back and enjoy it, that’s what.

One more thought about RED CLIFF:  Before I saw her performance in the film, the prevailing image I had in my mind of Taiwanese supermodel Lin Chi-Ling was of her dancing with business magnate Terry Guo.  Apparently, back in February 2007, she was paid to make an appearance at a business dinner thrown by Guo and somehow ended up dancing with him.  It caused a minor brouhaha when director Tsai Ming-Liang spoke out against her by saying that making such appearances was “cheap” and “disgusting”.  The incident sticks out in my mind not because I worship at the Temple of Righteous Propriety with director Tsai but because I saw the pictures and thought to myself: “whoa, Lin Chi-Ling is kinda hot.”

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking:  “Lin Chi-Ling is hot.  What a revelation.  What’s Sanney going to discover next?  The sky is blue and snow is cold.  Is he going to kiss a girl and like it?”  In response, let me just say that I see gorgeous beauty every day when I look in the mirror so it takes a lot for me to recognize beauty in others. 

Basically, I wasn’t expecting much from Lin Chi-Ling beyond the usual “flower vase” routine.  To my surprise, Lin turned in a decent performance and held her own opposite my cousin Tony, Takeshi Kaneshiro and that scene-stealing but peculiarly-clean newborn foal.  I wouldn’t put it in the same league as some outstanding debut model-actress performances — like Qi Qi (aka Mrs. Simon Yam Tat-Wah) in the criminally underappreciated THE KID and Yoyo Mung Ka-Wai in EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED –  but it isn’t bad for a rookie.

Most Disappointing Moment: Sexy Photos Gate

No, no, no.  I’m not going to be like the Hong Kong Performing Artistes Guild and descend from Sanctimony Peak to deliver a lecture on how Sexy Photos Gate was a tragedy for society and a tragedy for members of the entertainment industry.  Yes, having very personal photos exposed for all the world to see is beyond the pale and very traumatic and very mortifying for those involved.  However, if you create an interest in yourself so that you can profit from that interest, you can’t really complain when that interest turns on you in ways you can’t control.  If you live by the sword, you can’t complain if you end up dying by the sword.

Nope, my “disappointment” with Sexy Photos Gate is actually more of a lament.  For the past few years, news about the health of the Hong Kong movie industry has been grim (read Tim Youngs’ article in Time Magazine about the issue for a good overview).  However, I’ve always believed that the industry would survive because I’ve seen what the ingenuity and grit of Hong Kong people can do.  I was confident that the industry would find some way to keep going.  It’s like what the Jeff Goldblum character said in JURASSIC PARK: “Because the history of evolution is that life escapes all barriers.  Life breaks free.  Life expands to new territories.  Painfully, perhaps even dangerously.  But life finds a way.”  I was sure the industry would find a way.

Now, I’m not so sure.  Why?  Because no quickie “ripped from the headlines” movie about Sexy Photos Gate has popped up.  During the Asian Economic Crisis of the late-1990s, the industry still managed to produce THE LOVE AND SEX OF THE EASTERN HOLLYWOOD — a movie based on rumours that swirled around Maggie Cheung Man-Yuk, Sandra Ng Kwun-Yu and Veronica Yip Yuk-Hing among others.  After the tech bubble burst, not one but two movies about an infamous murder case turned up: THERE IS A SECRET IN MY SOUP and HUMAN PORK CHOP.  Mere weeks after the Melody Chu Mei-Fang sex scandal broke, the HK movie industry offered THE PEEPING.  Yet, almost a year after the first photos surfaced, no “ripped from the headlines” exploitation flick based on Sexy Photos Gate has been released.

Perhaps there is some reluctance to produce a movie because of the rumoured triad connections involved but you would think that the money a Sexy Photos Gate film could generate would be too enticing to pass up.  Maybe the physical and fiscal risk outweighed any potential reward.  Maybe the industry is too weak for a movie on the biggest scandal of this decade to generate any significant profit.  Whatever the case may be, it is another sign that the health of the Hong Kong movie industry isn’t as robust as it used to be.

Most Shameful Moment: Watching CJ7

If I lived on Sanctimony Peak with the Hong Kong Performing Artistes Guild, I’d go on a self-serving pious rant about how my most shameful moment as a HK entertainment fan came when I was looking at those Sexy Photos Gate pictures.  Alas, I’m a ham sup lo so I had no compunction about looking at the photos.  I’m not condoning the actions of those who were rabidly waiting for the latest pictures or those who were obsessed with collecting every last image.  I’m just saying that the natural reaction of any normal fan would be to look at the pictures so — despite the whines and moans about the destruction of society — no one should feel shame for looking at the photos.

No, my most shameful moment came while I was watching Stephen Chow’s CJ7.  Here I was watching a warm-hearted family movie about the relationship between father and son yet I was constantly distracted by salacious thoughts about Kitty Zhang.  I kept thinking how different my life would have been if I stayed in Hong Kong and was schooled by hot women wearing tight-fitting cheongsam instead of the likes of the stern Father Ernie and dour Sister Olga here in Canada.  One thing’s for sure, if I never underwent the tutelage of Father Ernie and Sister Olga, I’d be feeling no shame over, uh, admiring Kitty Zhang.

On a side note, anyone out there see Kitty Zhang in SHAOLIN GIRL?  Kozo killed the film in his review so I’ve stayed away but is it enjoyable on a “turn off your brain and look at the pretty pictures” level or is it, as Kozo contends, so bad that I’d get more enjoyment lighting the $16 the DVD costs on fire and watching the money burn?

Most Egregious Use Of CGI: KIDNAP

SPOILER WARNING!  SKIP THIS SECTION IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED ABOUT THE ENDING OF KIDNAP.

If you’ve seen KIDNAP then you probably know precisely what I’m going to write about: the scene where Karena Lam Ka-Yan’s character gets nailed by a car.  The effect was so cartoonish and so out-of-place for the taut thriller that director Law Chi-Leung had going, I half-expected Bugs Bunny to poke his head through the pavement and say: “… I knew I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque … {sees the body of Karena Lam’s character} … oooh, that’s gotta hoit.”

Instead of using that ridiculous CGI, it might have been more effective (and cheaper) to do it old school — the way they did it in Shaw Brothers movies and TVB dramas before the advent of computers — stick a bad wig on a stuntman and do the stunt for real.

Most Memorable Scene: The Stephanie Cheng Yung - Edison Chen Kwoon-Hei scene from TRIVIAL MATTERS

I wish I could say that the scene sticks in my mind because of the cute as a button Stephanie Cheng Yung.  Sadly, no.  The scene sticks in my mind because of the warped notion of “good citizenship” espoused by Edison Chen.  The stupid scene stuck in my mind like an ear worm every time I visited a public toilet in 2008.  It didn’t matter where I was: a pay toilet near the famous Piazza San Marco in Venice, a washroom in a pub just off of Leicester Square or the downstairs facilities in the Columbia Icefields Visitors’ Centre, I couldn’t help but think of Edison Chen’s idea of “public service”.   Thank you Edison Chen.  Thank you Pang Ho-Cheung.

I suppose that I must now make the obligatory comment about how it’s ironic (or at least prescient) that the scene involved a certain part of the male anatomy that Chen would, months later, go down in history and become synonymous with due to Sexy Photos Gate.

Most Memorable Moment Of Bad Acting: Gigi Leung Wing-Kei in WONDER WOMEN

I don’t mean to single out Gigi Leung as a “bad actress” with this selection.  On an absolute scale, her acting skills are fairly decent and I saw many, many poorer performances in 2008.  However, her work in WONDER WOMEN is the bad performance I remember most out of all the ones I saw last year.  Overall, Leung’s effort in WONDER WOMEN is pretty good, it’s just that in key moments she’ll use an exaggerated expression or an exaggerated gesture that belongs more in a TVB drama than a sweeping epic about Hong Kong since the Handover.

The moment that sticks in my mind is early in the film shortly after she discovers that her trusted “uncle” (played by Hui Siu-Hung) is conning her with a real estate scam.  Instead of attempting to portray genuine emotion, she uses one of those melodramatic TVB “hrrmph” expressions that’s so jarring it kills the narrative momentum of the film.  Sure, an argument can be made that the entire production is plauged by such inconsistency but a really good actress should have the ability to rise above bad directing and bad production (Karena Lam, for instance, has delivered the goods in many questionable movies).   It’s this lack of acting chops that kept Leung from progressing beyond the “It Girl” level earlier in her career.

Most Memorable Moment of Good Acting: Eddie Cheung Siu-Fai in KIDNAP

There wasn’t any particular instance of great acting that prompted me to pick Eddie Cheung for this section.  It’s just that while I was watching him in KIDNAP, it dawned on me that Cheung is an outstanding actor.  I never really noticed it before because he started his career playing thankless roles in TVB series.  From the late-1980s to early this decade, Cheung spent his time at TVB playing villains, dorks or the third wheel in romantic triangles.  Consequently, you never really paid attention to him because the focus was always on the leading man and the leading lady.

Since leaving TVB, Cheung has put together a nice string of supporting roles in some notable movies (from RUNNING ON KARMA to THROWDOWN to MAD DETECTIVE).  In the past couple of years alone, he’s played a supremely competent badass cop in KIDNAP, a sympathetic hardass cop in DOG BITE DOG, a jerkass police superintendent in CONNECTED and an explosively violent personality in MAD DETECTIVE.  Here’s hoping that his talent, his skill and his range are recognized someday with a Hong Kong Film Award.  Hong Kong Movie Gods, I beseech you, please make it so.

Looking Ahead To 2009: Growing a Lamstache

Now that I’ve finally put 2008 to rest, here’s what I plan to do in 2009: grow a George Lam Chi-Cheung style moustache.  Why?  In real life, the guy is married to Sally Yeh.  In his last two movies, his characters were married to ones played by Gigi Leung Wing-Kei and Loletta Lee Lai-Chun.  In addition to having such good luck with the ladies, he played a badass gangster in THE PYE-DOG.  Surely, the secret to his success is the ’stache.

OK, OK, maybe I’ll take a pass on the idea of the Lamstache.  What I will do in 2009 is wait for the Hong Kong Film Awards nominations to come out and see all the nominated movies and performances.  I have a feeling that means I’ll be seeing films like RUN PAPA RUN and THE WAY WE ARE.  Of course, I’ll be seeing RED CLIFF 2.  In fact, if I was a crazy rich guy, I would hop a flight to Hong Kong just so I could see the movie instead of waiting for it to come out on DVD.  Alas, I’m not rich, just crazy.

Do any of you have suggestions on movies from 2008 that I should see?  Does the accumulated babeage in LA LINGERIE make it worth a look?  How about NOBODY’S PERFECT?  Is there enough Jo Koo in THE VAMPIRE WHO ADMIRES ME to justify a purchase?  If there’s a film that you saw in 2008 that tickled your fancy, let me know.  It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I enjoy the fartsy just as much as the artsy.

* * * * *

Be seeing you, Patrick McGoohan.

Image credits: Blueprint Pictures (IN BRUGES still), WWE (Hulk Hogan), Wenhui Xinmin United Press Group (Lin Chi-Ling/Terry Guo), Mei Ah Entertainment (THE LOVE AND SEX OF THE EASTERN HOLLYWOOD still), Star Overseas (Kitty Zhang), Bugs Bunny (Warner Bros.), Not Brothers (TRIVIAL MATTERS still), Mandarin Films (WONDER WOMEN still), George Lam’s Official Website (George Lam)

It’s time.

It’s definitely time.

It’s time to settle my affairs.

No, nothing bad is happening to me.  It’s just that 2008 ends today and I want to clean the slate and start the new year on a fresh footing.  With that, I’m responding to the comments that have accumulated over the past few months.  In 2009, I’m going to either start responding them to directly in the comments section or do these “mailbag” entries more frequently.

But first, a comment on TRANSPORTER 3 ..

I took in the movie a couple of weeks ago on a cheap night Tuesday because I knew going in that it wasn’t going to be worth paying full price.  Like its predecessors, TRANSPORTER 3 is a middling film that offers decent action sequences and mildly amusing comic relief.  If you liked the first two films, you’ll like the third one.  I only had two problems with the movie.  One will probably be a problem with a majority of viewers while the other is probably just idiosyncratic to me.

1. Leading Lady Natalya Rudakova

I’m a fan of the HK entertainment circle so I’ve been exposed to plenty of bad acting from babes – especially in TVB dramas where TVB trots out recent Miss Hong Kong contestants for roles.  However, Natalya Rudakov’s performance in TRANSPORTER 3 was particularly bad.  Maybe the script is to blame but her transformation from silent, sullen pouter to “take me, Transporter, I’m yours” was abrupt enough to jar the suspense of disbelief you have to have when watching a movie of TRANSPORTER 3’s ilk.

It just goes to show the outstanding job Shu Qi did with the “compelling hot babe” role in the first movie.  Shu Qi is a beauty with acting talent whereas, I’m sorry to say, Natalya Rudakov is just a beauty.  Who would have guessed this about Shu Qi after watching her ignominious debut in SEX AND ZEN II where she played a she-devil who rapes Loletta Lee Lai-Chun’s character?

2. The physics of the bridge scene

It could be that Natalya Rudakova’s acting broke the suspension of disbelief I had going but it was hard for me to buy what was going on in the scene where the bad guys have The Transporter trapped in the middle of the bridge. If the bad guys on either end fire their machine guns at the same time, wouldn’t they, in effect, be shooting at each other? I know that I’m supposed to forget about the laws of physics when I’m watching an action movie but c’mon …

On to your comments …

About the comments from Swirling Sharks Fading Dragon:

I was surprised at the venom towards Jackie Chan in these comments.  Yes, Big Brother Jackie probably went a little too far with his “cheerleading” for the Beijing Olympics but Jackie Chan’s no fool, he knows where his bread is buttered.  Throughout his career, Jackie Chan has been more of a businessman than an artist so I saw his sucking up to the Mainland as just another calculated business move to keep his profile up in the lucrative Mainland market.  The reason he shills for the Mainland is the same reason he does the SHANGHAI KNIGHTS and the RUSH HOUR 3s.

As for glenn’s comment that Jackie Chan and Jet Li have already jumped the shark, I argue that they haven’t yet because I’m not at the point where I automatically roll my eyes whenever I read about the next Jackie Chan or Jet Li project.  I think they should be OK in the short term if they both continue to mix in an intriguing Asian project (like THE SHINJUKU INCIDENT or FEARLESS) alongside their empty money-making projects.

And yes, I’m a fan of the evil New England Patriots but I’m not a bandwagon Brady-Belichick fan.  I’ve been cheering for them since the 1985 season when Raymond Berry was their coach and they made it to the Super Bowl with the likes of Tony Eason, Steve Grogan, John Hannah, Irving Fryar and Mosi Tatupu.

About  the comments from On The Axis Of Global Film Financing:

On glenn’s comment that it was surreal to see Gillian Chung Yan-Tung shopping at Wal-Mart, I have to say it was more surreal to see Teresa Cheung, the former Mrs. Kenny Bee, listed as an executive producer for an Oliver Stone film.  After all the rumours and vitriol that surrounded her during her divorce from the Wynners star, it’d be like seeing Heather Mills, the former Mrs. Paul McCartney, get listed as an executive producer for Johnnie To Kei-Fung’s next film.

elbombz writes: “Speaking of going to movies for research, have you seen or are you going to see ASHES OF TIME REDUX?”

I’m a bit of a strict Catonian when it comes to Louis Cha and his novels so I was irked greatly by the way Wong Kar-Wai took great iconic characters from the Louis Cha cannon and turned them into pretentious objets d’art.  So no, I won’t be seeing ASHES OF TIME REDUX.  Don’t get me wrong, the film looked great but if you loved the novels, there’s no way you wouldn’t be bothered by the storytelling shenanigans that Wong perpetrates in the movie.

glenn writes: “I mentioned on my blog that I was waiting for you to post something on Gigi Lai’s retirement. Even though I’ve seen a lot of her films, I am hoping that you can put her career into context the way others can’t.”

The granddaughter of Lam Man-Wai, the Father of Hong Kong Cinema, I thought Gigi Lai Chi was destined for a Maggie Cheung Man-Yuk/Shu Qi like second career after her initial “It Girl” phase ran its course in the mid-1990s.  Alas, it was not to be as the HK entertainment circle is overrun with beautiful singer/actress types like Gigi Lai.  She did, however, find great success in the last five years of her career as a TVB fa daan (花旦; leading lady).  She was so popular, I think her retirement took many by surprise.

Speaking of Gigi Lai, this reminds me of the time the owner of our now defunct local video store tricked my friend Simon into renting some horrible movie (the title of which I can’t remember) by telling him that Gigi Lai reveals “two points” in it.  The guy who owned the store would say anything to rent out a movie.  I remember overhearing him tell another sap to go ahead and rent THE KUNG FU CULT MASTER because the sequel was a hit in Hong Kong and that the store would be getting it soon on video.

My favourite Gigi Lai film, by the way, isn’t one of her YOUNG AND DANGEROUS movies but FIST POWER with Vincent Zhao Wenchou.  It isn’t the best of movies but it’s highly entertaining.  If you like mindless action movies and you can get your hands on the DVD, you won’t be disappointed.

About the comments from Thoughts on SPARROW:

Mark writes: “I thought Sparrow was a wonderful film, easily one of To’s best. It’s not really worthwhile to nitpick the whereabouts of the passport during the final sequence because the film is about style.”

I liked SPARROW as well.  As I said in the post, I was smiling at the end of the film.  I was just trying to make the point that it might not be for regular, Joe The Plumber movie watchers — ones who view movies as entertainment rather than as art.  Not only would viewers like Joe The Plumber be perturbed by an Obama tax increase on those who make more than $250,000, they would probably be perturbed by things like the whereabouts of the passport.

m writes: As to your challenge to To, I wonder what actors you think would be suitable to portray you all.

I can’t speak for Kozo and The Golden Rock but I think I’d go with either Nick Cheung Ka-Fai or Chapman To Man-Chat. They are both normal looking guys who would suit me fine as I don’t have the piercing eyes and good looks of my cousin Tony or the height and bearing of my other cousin Tony. I think I’d lean more towards Chapman To than Nick Cheung because I feel like I share an affinity with him. Why? Well, we’ve both had our run-ins with Mainland prostitutes. His was documented in TRIVIAL MATTERS while mine occurred in the early-1990s when I was working as a corporate raider. I’d buy up large companies, break them up and sell them in smaller parts for profit — sort of like a chop shop but with companies instead of cars.

Chapman To and friend in TRIVIAL MATTERS.

I was on a week-long business trip in Hong Kong where I intended to buy up a shipping company.  I remember, like it was yesterday, that I had to quickly leave a business party at a mansion on The Peak so I went to get my girlfriend but she refused to leave because she was having a good time and didn’t enjoy feeling like she was always at my “beck and call”.  So, I left in a huff, taking my lawyer’s Lotus Esprit. Unfortunately, being an incompetent Westerner, I couldn’t handle the car’s standard transmission and ended up stopped by the side of the road because I couldn’t get the damned car in gear. It was then that this girl walked up to me and started asking me in Mainland-accented Cantonese if I wanted “a date”. I guess she thought I’d stopped because I was prowling for hookers. I explained to her that I wasn’t interested in a date and that I was merely having car trouble. She told me that she knew how to drive a standard so I let her drive me. This kicked off an idyllic one-week relationship as I decided to hire her — not for her sexual services but to be my “arm candy” at various business functions. What started out as purely a business transaction morphed into some sort of weird personal connection as we went shopping for clothes so she could look sharp while out with me attending business dinners and corporate polo matches. The week culminated with a quick trip to Sydney and its famous opera house for a performance of Verdi’s LA TRAVIATA.

Given our vastly different backgrounds, the “fairy tale” never happened and we didn’t live “happily ever after”. Real life intruded as she was all “you’re treating me like a prostitute” while I was “I never treated you like a prostitute”. On the day I left Hong Kong, I almost told my limo driver to turn around and go to her flat but I spotted this noodle place and told him to stop so I could get a bowl of beef noodles instead.  Ah, what might have been …

About the comments from “Old Cake” Cantopop: Sam Hui Kwoon-Kit’s 《學生哥》(Brother Student):

To Jo and her question about the school schedule in the Northern Hemisphere, I can’t speak for everyone up here in the frigid North but, in Canada, school runs from September to December with a two week break for Christmas holidays.  Then, there’s usually a one-week mid-winter break sometime in February or March.  There’s also an one-week break for Easter before the school year concludes in June.

Thanks, by the way, to all the Aussies and Kiwis who dropped me an e-mail response about the school year in the Southern Hemisphere.

Speaking of Aussies, I’m going to borrow a bit of your slang and say that I hope 2009′ll be apples for all of us even though it seems like the economy is going to be all gloom and doom.

Happy New Year everyone!

Image credits: Europa Corp. (Natalya Rudakova), 20th Century Fox (TRANSPORTER still), M-Dream website (Gigi Lai), Not Brothers (TRIVIAL MATTERS still)

If you’ve been following the Hong Kong entertainment circle with me ever since I put up my first website on Xoom way back in 1997, you’ll know that I enjoy tracking the ups and downs of sports just as much as I enjoy tracking the ins and outs of HK entertainment.  Both have the ability to take me on wild rides that offer the highest highs and the lowest lows.  Watching Zhuge Liang (Takeshi Kaneshiro) and Zhou Yu (Tony Leung Chiu-Wai) kick Cao Cao’s butt in RED CLIFF this summer gave me the same “hell yeah!” buzz I felt last December when I watched the New England Patriots achieve a perfect 16-0 regular season record.  Conversely, the deep disappointment I felt when the combined talents of Jet Li, Andy Lau Tak-Wah, Takeshi Kaneshiro and Peter Chan Ho-Sun amounted to an underwhelming result in THE WARLORDS mirrored the disappointment I felt when the Patriots failed to complete a perfect season by losing to the New York Giants in Super Bowl XLII.

Another thing that intrigues about sports and HK entertainment is seeing how prospective talents succeed or fail.  Watching prospects go to brilliant careers, middling careers or just plain washing out is always interesting.  Seeing how the likes of Peyton Manning and Lewis Hamilton succeed while the likes of Ryan Leaf and Hector Camacho Jr. turn into busts is just as fascinating as tracking the chain of events that led Edison Chen Kwoon-Hei of Vancouver to idolhood and the chain of events that kept Brandon Chang Cheuk-Nam of Toronto (right; you may remember him from such films as THE TOUCH and SILVER HAWK) in relative obscurity.

I go into this long preamble because sports and the entertainment circle intersected for me again recently when I read that a “re-imagining” of THE KARATE KID is in the works.  Rumours about a remake involving Will Smith and his son Jaden had been swirling for more than a year but talk died down after Smith’s publicist issued a denial.  Now that the rumours have turned out to be true, I wonder if another part of the early talk — that Jackie Chan will be taking the “Mr. Miyagi” role — will also come to fruition.  As a longtime fan of Jackie Chan’s work, I hope that this portion of the rumour is false because, if he takes part in the project, I think his career will effectively “jump the shark”.  The idea of Jackie Chan doing a version of “Mr. Miyagi” makes me think of sad sights in sports like David Beckham going to America to play for the Los Angeles Galaxy, Michael Jordan putting on a Washington Wizards uniform,  Emmitt Smith signing with the Arizona Cardinals and Wayne Gretzky playing for the St. Louis Blues.  Though there may have been good arguments for all those moves, they each signalled to fans that these once dominant figures in their respective sports were no longer great.  If Jackie Chan pulls a “Mr. Miyagi”, fans who have been admiring his work since his DRUNKEN MASTER and SNAKE IN THE EAGLE’S SHADOW days will look back years from now and say to themselves that this is when Big Brother Jackie moved on to the “senior tour” portion of his career.

I bet some of you are now thinking: “What’s he talking about?  Jackie Chan’s career has already jumped the shark!”  True, legitimate arguments can be made that Jackie Chan is no longer great.  Instead of making memorable high energy action films like DRUNKEN MASTER II, he’s doing voice work for cartoon monkeys and churning out bland, forgettable work like RUSH HOUR 3 and THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM.  Combined with some off screen stuff that have chipped away at his star power, his celebrity certainly doesn’t cast as large a shadow as it did during his heyday of the late-1980s/early-to-mid 1990s.

Nevertheless, there’s still some fire left in the aging dragon.  ROB-B-HOOD, his last “Hong Kong movie”, was a step up from a sub-par THE MYTH and the dreary NEW POLICE STORY.  The upcoming THE SHINJUKU INCIDENT shows some potential as Chan collaborates with the usually solid Derek Yee Tung-Sing (ONE NITE IN MONGKOK).  Despite mediocre reviews, THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM still pulled in over US$20 million on its opening weekend so the “Jackie Chan brand” here in the West is still reliable.  As a result, he’s currently on location in New Mexico shooting a new Hollywood film THE SPY NEXT DOOR.

Why, then, would participating in a KARATE KID remake cause Jackie Chan’s career to jump the shark?  Because at this point in his career, Big Brother Jackie can’t afford to be associated with any box office bombs and a KARATE KID remake has huge potential to be a box office bomb.  Consider the following:

- Apart from rare instances like OCEAN’S ELEVEN in 2001, remakes are usually known for being either commercial or critical failures.  Take, for example, remakes like THE PINK PANTHER (2006), PLANET OF THE APES (2001), GET CARTER (2000), PSYCHO (1998) and ALFIE (2004).  Jackie Chan himself was involved in one as AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS (2004) was largely panned by critics and bombed at the box office.

- The buzz surrounding the remake is overwhelmingly negative.  Go to any discussion board about the project and note that the majority of posts question the need for a remake of THE KARATE KID.  Also, note how many times the words “vanity project” pop up.

- The original movie succeeds because it had an unique chemistry and was able to delicately balance schmaltz and action.  Recreating that sort of “mojo” will be very difficult.

- On a film discussion board, one Jackie Chan fan expressed optimism that a remake has solid potential. The poster argues that Will Smith is the only bankable superstar left in Hollywood and that he consistently makes good business decisions. He also holds out hope that the reported Chinese investment in the remake will mean that Chinese martial arts should get a good spotlight and scenes showing the “Chinese Mr. Miyagi” teaching kung fu should look really cool — especially if the “Chinese Mr. Miyagi” turns out to be a serious character who uses “Pai Mei teaching techniques”.

Setting aside the question of Will Smith’s business acumen, while there is some validity to the argument that a re-imagining of THE KARATE KID with a serious tone might be cool (this type of re-imagining worked out great for remakes like BATMAN BEGINS and BATTLESTAR GALACTICA), the star is going to be 10 year-old Jaden Smith so odds are the film is going to be more like SPY KIDS and less like KILL BILL 2.  Put it this way, it’s doubtful that the Cobra Kai-type bullies are going to be burying Jaden Smith alive forcing him to fight his way out using one-inch punch technique.

Add all that up and you don’t need a tube full of Chinese fortune telling sticks to figure that this remake is more likely to be jeered than cheered.  Yes, the project may bring a big paycheque and yes, there may be some prestige in being associated with Will Smith but if THE KARATE KID remake bombs and THE SPY NEXT DOOR bombs then whispers that Jackie Chan has “lost it” and is “over the hill” will become a chorus.  Someone in Big Brother Jackie’s camp needs to point out the downside of being involved with the remake and urge him to stay far, far away from it.  Instead, his camp should urge him to go back to his roots and re-establish his core fan base by going ahead with a third ARMOUR OF GOD movie.  Like John Elway, Jackie Chan should cap a remarkable career by going out on top doing what he does best for the team that everyone associates him with instead of signing up to play out the string on some foreign team.

Image credits: Han Entertainment (Brandon Chang), Associated Press (Jackie Chan), Miramax (Gordon Liu/Pai Mei), Dragon Gate Shop (Fortune Telling Sticks)

A scouting report on the Hong Kong entertainment circle content in the new Oliver Stone film W. for those of you who are interested but not interested enough to fight through the crowd going to HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 then sit through an 131 minute biopic about George W. Bush.

W.
Official Site: http://www.wthefilm.com/
Director: Oliver Stone
Cast: Josh Brolin (George W. Bush), Elizabeth Banks (Laura Bush), James Cromwell (George H. W. Bush), Richard Dreyfuss (Dick Cheney), Thandie Newton (Condoleezza Rice), Jeffrey Wright (Colin Powell), Teresa Cheung Siu-Wai (Reporter/”Miss China”), Maria Chen Chai-Ping (Military Aide)

Synopsis (from the official site): Whether you love him or hate him, there is no question that George W. Bush is one of the most controversial public figures in recent memory. In an unprecedented undertaking, acclaimed director Oliver Stone is bringing the life of our 43rd President to the big screen as only he can. W. takes viewers through Bush’s eventful life — his struggles and triumphs, how he found both his wife and his faith, and of course the critical days leading up to Bush’s decision to invade Iraq.

PRE-CONCEIVED NOTIONS: When I first heard about this film late last year, my inclination was to skip it.  I follow the news and, like Sarah Palin, I read all the papers so I’ve had my fill of George W. Bush and the American political scene with its 32-month long presidential election process.  But then, I read on Kenixfan’s blog, A Pessimist Is Never Disappointed, that Gillian Chung Yan-Tung had a small role in the film as an exotic dancer.  Now, I definitely had to see the movie.

After a little research, I learned that Gillian Chung wasn’t going to be the only HK personality in the movie.  Teresa Cheung (aka Teresa Chiang Siu-Wai, the former Mrs. Kenny Bee) has a small role as a reporter while Elena Kong Mei-Yi (江美儀) and Maria Chen (陳霽平 aka Maria Chan Chai-Ping) also, according to Chinese media reports, have bit parts.  Chung likely owed her part to the fact that Albert Yeung Sau-Sing’s Emperor Multimedia Group is one of the financial backers of W. and is credited with being one of its executive producers.  Likewise, Teresa Cheung, Kong and Chen probably have parts through their involvement with Global Entertainment Group — another of the film’s financial backers.

Armed with this information, bookmakers in the Republic of Sanneyistan set the over/under for “number of lines that Gillian Chung has in the movie” at 0.5.  I’m betting 50 Sanneyistan dollars on the under.  If a real bookmaker had that line, I have a feeling I’d make a killing on that bet.  What would I do with the winnings?  I’d head directly for Casey’s Sandwich and Ice Cream Emporium where I’d buy more of their delicious, but seasonal, pumpkin ice cream.  It’s really, really good but, alas, really, really expensive.  Honestly, I think it’d be cheaper to develop a crack cocaine habit.

AFTER THE MOVIE: No more beating around the bush.  Let’s get directly to the only thing most of you care about: Gillian Chung’s role in the movie.  Just one problem, Gillian Chung’s part did not make the final theatrical cut so fans of Ah Gil will have to wait to see if she makes the extras on the DVD.  However, she did film scenes as an exotic dancer for the film.  In the first week of July, Chung did fly to Shreveport, Louisiana to shoot her part.  If you want photographic evidence, Twins fan Twins Evolution posted clippings from a July edition of a HK magazine showing Chung in her costume (left, click on picture for larger image).  He also posted a “stalkin’ the stars” photo essay of Chung and her EEG handler spending two hours at a Shreveport Wal-Mart.  Related photos:

The back of Gillian Chung’s costume

Gillian Chung in Shreveport with her handlers

Gillian Chung texting while in a Shreveport Wal-Mart

Gillian Chung shopping at Wal-Mart

Chung has yet to speak publicly about being left out of W. but Charlene Choi Cheuk-Yin, Chung’s Twins bandmate turned media surrogate, downplayed the omission.  At a promotional event for Moov on October 15th, Choi responded to questions about Chung and W. by saying: “It doesn’t really matter because the most important thing is the valuable experience she got just from working on the movie.” ¹

As for the other HK personalities who had parts in the movie:

- Teresa Cheung (who doubled as an executive producer of the film): Has a couple of lines in an appearance as a reporter at a White House press conference towards the end of the movie.  Wanting to take her question but not knowing her name, Bush refers to Cheung’s character as “Miss China”.

- Maria Chen (aka Chan Chai-Ping, a contestant in the Miss HK 1995 Paegant won by Winnie Yeung Yuen-Yee): Appears as a military aide in a scene near the end of the film.  She has no lines as she stands behind Bush while he visits injured soldiers at a veterans’ hospital.

- Elena Kong Mei-Yi: Filmed a scene as an “Asian reporter” but, like Gillian Chung, did not make the theatrical cut.

ABOUT THE MOVIE: W. is an Oliver Stone film so, technically speaking, it’s very well made.  Even though the subject matter doesn’t lend itself to flashy filmmaking, there are, nonetheless, some very cool-looking shots and transitions.  The acting is first-rate but uneven.  Josh Brolin captures not only George W. Bush’s mannerisms but the force of his personality as well.  Buried under a wig and makeup, Thandie Newton is unrecognizable as she takes on a thankless role as Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.  On the other hand, James Cromwell and Scott Glenn make no attempt to mimic the real George H. W. Bush and Donald Rumsfeld respectively.  Glenn’s Rumsfeld is especially disconcerting.  It’s hard to connect Glenn, who stands over six feet tall, to the diminutive 5′ 6″/5′ 7″ Rumsfeld familiar to everyone through years of news coverage.

Backed by the work of investigative reporters like Bob Woodward, James Risen, Ron Susskind and Jane Mayer among others², W. does not offer revisionist history like Stone’s previous presidential films JFK and Nixon.  Instead, it offers a mostly straightforward depiction of George W. Bush’s rise from legacy kid fratboy to the 43rd President of the United States.

The only questionable part of the portrayal is the film’s contention that the primary motivation behind Bush’s political decisions (be it running for political office or the invasion of Iraq) was to get approval from a cold and aloof father.  More time has to pass and more insight has to be gained before an argument like that can be made.  It’s one thing to show information gleaned about closed door meetings from tell-all books, it’s quite another to show supposition about what’s in a man’s mind and heart.  Perspective from the passage of time and insights from biographies have to emerge for the argument to become credible.  Otherwise, it’s just speculation.  Still, the “daddy issues” aspects of W. aren’t as preposterous as conjecture found in other historical dramas.  Take, for example, Borte going to a Tangut outpost to rescue Temudjin from slavery in MONGOL or Cao Cao going to war in RED CLIFF because he has the hots for Xiao Qiao.

Whether you’re for W. or against W. will depend largely on your interest in American politics, if you find the subject fascinating then there’s enough in W. to keep you engaged.  If you’re thawed towards American politics, this movie isn’t going to unthaw you.  You’d probably be better off spending your money on expensive but delicious artisan ice cream made with in-season ingredients.

¹ Sina.com article “蔡卓妍丟行李險淚灑機場 力挺鍾欣桐好萊塢新戲” from October 17th 2008

² Simon Houpt, “Walking in Dubya’s shoes” from The Globe and Mail, October 20th 2008

Image credits: Ixtlan Corporation (W. movie poster), Lion Rock Productions (Lin Chi-Ling)

Since it’s fresh in my mind and because I’m ready to get down to writing after enjoying Breakfast Special C at the local diner, here are some thoughts on Johnnie To’s latest opus SPARROW:

SPARROW
文雀
Director: Johnnie To Kei-Fung
Cast: Simon Yam Tat-Wah (Kei), Kelly Lin (Chung Chun-Lei), Gordon Lam Ka-Tung (Bo), Lo Hoi-Pang (Mr. Fu), Law Wing-Cheong (Sak), Kenneth Cheung (Mak)

Synopsis: They are known as the “sparrows” or Hong Kong’s street slang for “pickpockets”. They work in group, lifting wallets from unsuspected tourists, until one day an irresistible woman of unknown origin appears before them, requesting the gang to steal a key for her. The set-up begins to unravel itself when the mission completes. The pickpockets realise that this exotic beauty has been slowly leading them onto a path of no return.

PRE-CONCEIVED NOTIONS: It’s been a long wait for this movie.  I remember translating an article about SPARROW way back in 2004.  Johnnie To was at the Cannes Film Festival for a screening of BREAKING NEWS and he revealed that he was developing a film about pickpockets that would star Simon Yam Tat-Wah.  What else was happening in the entertainment circle around that time?  Edison Chen was getting mocked by teenagers on the streets and Stephy Tang Lai-Yan had yet to break out of the Cookies/Mini-Cookies jar.  So yeah, it’s been a long wait.

I’m hoping that the long, anticipation-filled wait hasn’t ratcheted up my expectations too high.  I’ve purposefully avoided reading reviews so I have no idea about the critical reception.  It’s Johnnie To, hero of Hong Kong Cinema, so I expect, at the very least, a decent film.  I’m also pre-disposed to liking the story of the film because I’m a fan of the “honourable criminals” genre — with the legend of Robin Hood, the BBC show HUSTLE, the classic Hitchcock film TO CATCH A THIEF and Chinese films like RUNNING OUT OF TIME and A WORLD WITHOUT THIEVES being favourites.  I like this genre so much, sitting through the atrocious HUDSON HAWK didn’t dampen my enthusiasm for it.

I’m also hoping that SPARROW gives Simon Yam Tat-Wah a role with which he can win the HKFA Best Actor award next year.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  Now that Lau Ching-Wan has won one, Simon Yam is next in line on the “veteran actor who deserves to win a HKFA Best Actor award” list.

AFTER THE MOVIE: This is probably a weird thing to say about a movie but I found SPARROW to be an exhausting experience.  I think it had to do with spending most of the film swinging on an emotional pendulum between frustration and elation.  Parts of SPARROW — with its luxurious composition and jaunty soundtrack — were fabulous.  Other parts were so opaque, it even tried the patience and goodwill of a stalwart Johnnie To fan like me.  I’ve watched the climactic pick-pocketing scene multiple times, zaprudered it with the 1/16th slow motion function, yet I still can’t figure out the chain of possession for the passport that Kei (Simon Yam’s character) and Mr. Fu (the villian) were fighting over.  Stultifying sections notwithstanding, SPARROW is ultimately a worthwhile film experience.  It’s a feast for the eyes and, in the end, most viewers will feel satisfied by the time the credits start to roll.  I caught myself smiling as the film closed with the sight of Kei and his cohorts riding off into the sunset on Kei’s bicycle.  Put it this way, it’s not a 2046 situation where most viewers were likely left dazed, confused and alienated by a director who seemingly went out of his way to be inscrutable.

Whether or not you like SPARROW will depend largely on what you look for in a film.  If you fancy yourself a film connoisseur who appreciates great technical filmmaking, then you will definitely get a kick out of the exquisite art direction, lush visuals and fine acting performances.  If you are more of a “meat and potatoes” viewer with decidedly conventional tastes then the challenging yet thin narrative of the movie will probably turn you off.  Think of SPARROW as fine dining.  It has excellent presentation and a cornucopia of flavours that will excite your taste buds.  However, the portion is small and it isn’t very filling.  If you can be satisfied with just the simple experience, then SPARROW is for you.  If you are looking for something that will leave you feeling wholly satisfied, SPARROW probably won’t fill the bill.

MISCELLANEA:

- There isn’t anything particularly outstanding about Simon Yam’s performance as the prototypical “charismatic criminal” so it’s unlikely he’ll be winning any Best Actor awards off of SPARROW.

- With the exception of his final scene in the limousine, I really enjoyed veteran actor/TV personality Lo Hoi-Pang’s performance as Mr. Fu.  One of the small joys often found in Johnnie To’s movies is how he casts minor, veteran celebrities in roles be it Fiona Leung Ngai-Ling in NEEDING YOU, Jackie Lui Jung-Yin in THE MISSION, Ellen Chan Nga-Lun in EXILED, Wong Tin-Lam in THE LONGEST NITE or, my favourite bit of nostalgic casting, 1970s star Wong Chung in ELECTION.

- While watching the many glorious shots of Kelly Lin in the film, I couldn’t help thinking that Lin has come a long, long way from when Wong Jing brought her into the Hong Kong entertainment circle in 1999 for THE CONMEN IN VEGAS.  Searching the archives of my old website, the first time Kelly Lin pops up is in a report from February 6th, 1999.  Lin was on location in Las Vegas shooting the formulaic Wong Jing gambling/action/comedy flick.  Billed as the “new Chingmy Yau Suk-Ching“, she was introduced to the media along with fellow Wong Jing recruits Jewel Li Fei and Meggie Yu Fang (Yuk Fong).  Lin was touted as the entertainment circle’s next hot sexpot star, Li was going to be the next female action star while Yu was going to charm audiences with her sexy “jade-babe” (玉女; Chinese equivalent of “girl next door”) appeal.  Based on that ignominious introduction to the HK viewing public, most would have pegged Lin to have a career trajectory where she would flame out after a short run as a minor “it girl”.  Yet, here she is almost ten years later starring in what is essentially a Johnnie To art film and with a HKFA Best Supporting Actress nomination in the bag for her work in AFTER THIS OUR EXILE.  Who would have guessed?

From left to right: Kelly Lin, Jewel Li and Meggie Yu on location in 1999 shooting THE CONMEN IN VEGAS. Click on photo for larger image.

This also shows how hard it is to become a star in the entertainment circle.  Of Lin, Li and Yu only Lin has gone on to a major career.  Since 1999,  Jewel Li has appeared in a handful of action movies and is currently playing Tsang Yau (one of Wai Siu-Bo’s wives) in a Mainland TV adaptation of THE DUKE OF MT. DEER.  As for Yu, she parlayed the attention she got from THE CONMAN IN VEGAS into a lead role in the CAT-III film TEMPTATION OF AN ANGEL.  After that, she returned to her native Taiwan and established a career as a television actress/personality.  She has since gone on to motherhood.

Add on to that the fact that reigning pop queen Joey Yung Tso-Yi was the only one to emerge from EEG’s “Three Little Flowers” (Yung, Grace Ip, Lillian Ho Ka-Lei) and you get the sense that the odds of “making it” in the entertainment circle are about the same as the odds of survival for cheetah cubs in the wild.

In case you were wondering what happened to the other two “Little Flowers”, Lillian Ho dropped out of the entertainment circle in 2002 after a bid to promote her in the Taiwanese market failed.  She is currently married to Lucky Dessert heir Wong Yat-King.  I’ve written about Grace Ip (Yip Pui-Man) in the past.

- From the moment Simon Yam gets dressed to the moment the pickpockets divide the fruits of their labour haul in the car, Johnnie To makes the life of a petty criminal seem pretty cool.  I wonder if he can do the same thing for blogging.  Are you looking for a challenge Mr. To?  How about filming the LoveHKFilm bloggers as they majestically strike the keys on their keyboards?  How about you work your magic and make rolling a mouse around on a mousepad look like the coolest thing ever?  Based on SPARROW’s opening sequence, I’m willing to bet you could make geeks like me, Kozo and The Golden Rock look like gods.

Image credits: Hong Kong Digital Vision (Stephy Tang), The Sun (Kelly Lin, Jewel Li, Meggie Yu circa 1999), Milkway Image (Still from SPARROW, Wong Chung in ELECTION)