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Life
with Kozo - November 22nd, 2004
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"The
Celebrity Edition II "*
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This
new edition of Life with Kozo will feature
testimonials from a number of noted individuals,
instead of the usual unchecked rambling from the Webmaster.
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| Why can't Kozo
review more movies? |
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"His
output has gone down recently, and I've been worried.
I called him just the other day, and he started puking
over the phone. I asked why he was sick, and he said that
he just saw A Wedding or a Funeral. But I'm sure
it's just the flu."
- Sam Lee |
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"If
you work too much, the quality of your work suffers. I'm
the exception, since I can work so much and still turn
out quality stuff. Yes, I made The Wesley's Mysterious
File. Why do you ask?" - Andy Lau |
| What's up with
that job Kozo had in LA? |
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"I'm
in Los Angeles right now, and I've never heard of any
'Kozo'. If he's not rich and famous, then he must be nobody.
My time is precious, and I have no time for nobodies.
I'm a pretty, pretty princess."
- Zhang Ziyi |
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"Kozo's
mistake was taking a family job. Employment through family
connections always ends in bitterness and tears. Everyone
involved is usually a fool for thinking it'll work. I'll
never make that mistake!"
- Jaycee Fong |
| What new job
should Kozo take? |
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"He
needs to concentrate on his proven skills, and not try
to do things he can't do. Kozo never should have tried
being a game designer, or a professional wrestler. Similarly,
I shouldn't try acting." - Kelly Chen |
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"He
should consider a career in the entertainment industry!
You don't need any talent to become a star! I think I
heard that somewhere."
- William Hung |
| What are Kozo's
other plans? |
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"I
hear rumors that Kozo might be moving to Hong Kong. It
would be good because he'd be able to see the latest Hong
Kong movies. He'll also be closer to me, but that would
be a violation of the restraining order." - Sammi
Cheng |
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"I
dunno about moving to Hong Kong. If Kozo does that I'd
have to kick his ass for always making fun of me and my
friends. He'll never know it was me because of this cool
mask."
- Nicholas Tse |
| What's up with
Kozo's social life? |
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"Yo,
I can't trip on ya about Kozo! That fool don't know what
fo shizzle. Ed is hawt, so that dawg can't touch none
of Ed. I got the skillz! Boo yah! What's that? Yes, I'm
speaking English."
- Edison Chen |
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"The
problem is he doesn't get out there enough. He should
use one of those Internet dating things, like Match.com
or Friendster! Then he could meet someone really cute—though
probably not as cute as me! I'm just so adorable!"
- Karena Lam |
| Does Kozo like
his readers at all? |
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"I
don't know, but I don't care for his readers at all! Too
many of them keep asking Kozo how to contact me. I got
sick of it after the thirtieth phone call! Do you know
how much a restraining order costs? You should see my
legal bills."
- Shu Qi |
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"I
would hope so. Without readers, his site would be like
one of those trees that fall in the forest that nobody
hears...or something. I'm not totally sure how that saying
goes, but I could care less. I'm on vacation!"
- Candy Lo |
| Why is Kozo
so mean to celebrities? |
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"Candy
Lo invited me to go on vacation with her, but I was afraid
the extra UV would totally mess up my tan. Without my
tan, I'm nothing. Nothing, I tell you! Oh, I don't think
Kozo is mean to celebrities at all."
- Louis Koo |
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"Most
celebrities deserve it, like that Andy Lau guy, or the
other Tony Leung! My acting skills totally wipe the floor
with theirs! It's almost embarrassing. I may take a year
off to even the playing field."
- Tony Leung Chiu-Wai |
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| How
is Kozo doing? |
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"I'm
really worried about him. He hasn't made fun of me in
weeks. It's amazing...I used to see jokes about me every
week on that site of his. Recently, it's been nothing.
I think he's dead."
- Ekin Cheng |
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"I wish I knew,
but I'm more worried about myself! Even though I have
fanboys drooling over me everywhere, I still can't find
work! I thought Naked Poison would make me hot,
but so far nothing. Maybe I should reveal points."
- Anya
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| Is Kozo thinking
of quitting again? |
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"I
sure hope so! He's always picking on celebrities like
me and my buddies! It would be awesome! If he quits, I'll
celebrate by keeping my next meal down!"
- Cecilia Cheung |
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"I
hope not. Quitting sends a bad message about giving up.
Look at me: I could quit after my troubles with the law,
but I won't let that stop me! I plan to keep acting AND
using. I hope Kozo does the same."
- Cherrie Ying |
| Does Kozo still
like Sammi Cheng? |
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"I
hope not! It's annoying for me because I get spillover
from all his Sammi fandom. One time he gave me a really
nice gift, but when he found out I wasn't Sammi, he knocked
me over, grabbed it, and ran away! That bastard!"
- Miram Yeung |
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"I
hope he doesn't like Sammi anymore, because then he could
move onto someone like me! I know he's called me annoying
and insufferable before, but I'm hoping my new look will
change things! I hear he's a big 'Star Trek' fan!"
- Charlene Choi |
| Why won't Kozo
answer my e-mails? |
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"Unknown.
I've e-mailed him repeatedly to ask him to attend my Starfleet
Graduation, but he won't respond. I find this really illogical.
I may have to violate the Prime Directive to get to the
bottom of this." - Gillian Chung |
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"Kozo
has no excuses for not answering e-mail! He's not busy
like I am! I run a country, chase terrorists, and am currently
responsible for a surge of immigration into Canada! All
he does is run a website!"
- George W. Bush |
| Why won't Kozo
listen to my needs? |
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"I
wish I knew, but he never talks to me anymore. Everytime
I see him, he screams 'Buckwheat' and runs away! He did
that last year, too. Was it something I said?" -
Maggie Cheung |
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"I'm with Maggie!
Kozo called me 'Velcro Head' the last time I saw him,
and completely ignored my concerns. He also makes fun
of my concert outfits, and picks on my buddy Ekin. I'm
getting Cecilia Cheung to kick his ass!"
- Jordan Chan
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| Why does Kozo
hate so many movies? |
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"He
seems bitter. Still, I'm disappointed that he gave a poor
review to Leaving Me, Loving You. I thought it
was better than the crap Aaron Kwok makes. Have you seen
some of Kwok's movies? If you haven't, you're lucky!"
- Leon Lai |
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"What
Kozo has to learn is that Hong Kong movies are not about
quality. What are they about then? Um...I'm not totally
sure. It's definitely not quality! I mean, have you seen
some my movies? If you haven't, you're lucky!"
- Aaron Kwok |
| Who does Kozo
think he is anyway? |
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"If
Kozo were beautiful like me, his attitude would be okay,
but unfortunately he's not much to look at! I think he's
just jealous because he can't wear leather pants as well
as Ekin Cheng. Then again, who could?"
- Michelle Reis |
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"Just
because he uses a Japanese name, he probably thinks he's
better than all the regular Chinese. That sort of arrogance
will get him in trouble. I should know...I've been beaten
up twice since Friday."
- Takeshi Kaneshiro |
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*DISCLAIMER:
the testimonials on this page were entirely made up. The reader
is responsible
for what he or she chooses to believe. LoveHKFilm.com
and its associated parties will bear no responsibility
for an individual's gullibility, even if that individual possesses
obviously poor skills of perception.
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