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Review
by Kozo: |
The
Emperor Entertainment Group attempts to launch another
movie star in the light kiddy flick Bug Me Not.
Isabella Leong is EEG's latest ingenue, and she fits
the bill nicely. The pretty Leong spends the majority
of Bug Me Not making silly faces and generally
overdoing the youthful exuberance. It's the standard
package many ingenues deliver when they first burst
upon the scene, and to be fair Leong could amount
to more than just another EEG-funded pretty face.
Her acting isn't noteworthy, but at least she isn't
blankly uninteresting. She's still just a kid, so
putting a fork in her career would be premature -
plus it could stoke the flaming ire of her preteen
fanbase. We don't want that, so we'll give Leong a
chance. Too bad the movie isn't good.
Moon (Isabella Leong)
is a supposed misfit. When she was a kid she uttered
baby speak for far too long, much to the concern of
her mom (Candy Lo, playing above her age). Now a leggy
teen, Moon is estranged for her utter weirdness, but
she has a couple of things going for her. One, she's
in love with Hyland (Wilson Chen), a local teen who
works at a housewares store run by his pop (Lawrence
Cheng). Two, Moon can talk to bugs. When she saves
one-dotted ladybug Coochie (voiced by Hong Kong's
go-to voice actor Jan Lam), she discovers that she
and Coochie can hold a conversation. Soon she's got
bugs singing her songs, plus helping her romance Hyland,
who has serious problems with touching people. Can
Coochie help Moon get close enough to Hyland to confess
her feelings for him?
Duh, the answer is yes,
but there's other stuff going on. Moon's ability to
yak with insects attracts the attention of Auntie
(Gillian Chung), a 70 year-old woman who looks like
one of those darn Twins girls. Auntie is impossibly
mannered and dances the tango at odd moments, but
she's also got superpowers, namely the ability to
look young. She has a bunch of superpowered misfits
working for her, including a pair of telekinetic twins
(Zhou Bingqing and Zhou Yuejie), a high-jumping reverse-mohawked
teen (Xu Boping), a clairvoyant semi-perv (Kenny Kwan,
formerly of Boy'z), and an x-ray vision dude with
long nostril hair (Steven Cheung, who's still stuck
in Boy'z). Auntie wants Moon and Hyland to join her
because they both have powers (Hyland's abilities
involve pushing others out of his personal space),
but both are hesitant. Meanwhile, the bugs are massing...for
a dance number!
If you think the above
plot sounds coherent, then you should pass along whatever
it is you're smoking. Really, Bug Me Not has
no direction whatsoever, and limps along with no discernible
rhyme, reason, or necessity. The storyline is a narrative
hodgepodge that jumps between awkward teen romance,
misfit superhero flick, Bug's Life ripoff,
and the worst parts of a Wong Jing movie. The occasional
song and dance numbers are limp and oddly placed,
and the movie itself can't seem to decide what it
wants to be. The main story seems to be about Coochie
helping Moon confess her love, but when it detours
into a possible confrontation between the bugs and
humanity, one has to wonder where that came from.
Bug Me Not is a piñata of mixed messages,
ranging from "accept yourself" to "bugs
are good" to "express yourself" to
"even the Twins can't save a movie." Of
all the above messages, only the last one is delivered
convincingly. To complete the Twins appearance, Charlene
Choi makes a token cameo as a misfit idol, who grins
for the camera as if to say, "This is in my contract!"
Well, it is in your contract, and Charlene,
you've just fulfilled your duty. EEG and their associated
conglomeration of lawyers, marketing personnel, and
focus groups are proud of you.
Who isn't proud? Probably
director Law Chi-Leung, who has actually made solid
films before with Inner Senses, Koma,
and Double Tap. Those were commercial, yet
slightly edgy films with a fine mixture of melodramatic
bombast, ace acting, and effective thrills. All three
of those elements are gone in Bug Me Not, and
are replaced by saccharine sentiments, unimpressive
performances, and a complete lack of tension. Bug
Me Not is a waste of Law's talent, which isn't
a surprise because if anyone decided the direction
of this ill-conceived motion picture, it was EEG and
not Law. Directing-for-hire isn't bad work if you
can get it, though one wishes the final product channeled
something besides a marketing playbook. Hopefully
there's a Koma 2 in the works somewhere for
Law to return to.
To his credit, Law manages
to give Bug Me Not a bouncy, though hollow
tone, and a candy-colored look that makes Hong Kong
seem like a kiddy playground. The primary color use
is welcome stuff, though if you're really after bright
colors, McDonald's commercials provide them too, and
usually for free. Ultimately, the only people who
can really enjoy this film are kids who like the bugs
and colors, and ultra-ardent fans of EEG who long
to catch any glimpse of their favorite EEG spokesperson
onscreen. This is the point where relative expectations
kick in, meaning it's time to ask, "What did
you really expect from an EEG project starring Isabella
Leong and some CG bugs? Did you honestly expect a
good movie?" I honestly didn't, as expectations
for any EEG-funded project have gone in the crapper
since the 2004 tag-team of Twins Effect II and 6AM. Really, I expected nothing from this
movie - and I got exactly what I expected. (Kozo 2005) |
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