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Review
by Kozo: |
Hong Kong Cinema’s worst current movie franchise offers its latest installment with the unsurprisingly titled Lan Kwai Fong 3. One wonders why they didn't add on a subtitle, like “Love Battle” or “Buttocks on Fire” but that might require extra work – and hey, who knows if Mei Ah Entertainment pays overtime? As the film opens, series director Wilson Chin cuts straight to chase, showing his starring girls in various states of undress as their character names flash across the screen. Party girl Jeana (Jeana Ho) returns from the first LKF. Jeana’s in a cooling co-habitation with guyliner club manager Jacky (Jason Chan, also returning from the first film), but is still a queen at showing off her pneumatic wiles at Lan Kwai Fong’s hottest club Magnum. Jacky’s employed there, serving smart lady boss May (Christine Ng), and each night serves as a glimpse into the super-sexy, super-charged and super-superficial Hong Kong clubbing scene. It’s like a trip to the zoo, except the animals at the zoo might be more civilized and intelligent.
Jeana’s pals include the marginally more reserved Sara (Ava Yu), who’s engaged to the immature Sean (Alex “Son of George” Lam). One night, Sean ditches Sara to go hang out with an ex-girlfriend, so Sara is ready for some attention – which she instantly receives from marble-mouthed Korean import Kim (Lee Shi-Min). Papa (Celia Kwok) is an ugly duckling who clubs with her friends for whatever opportunities her generous body and average face gets her. Drunken one-night stands leave her wanting, but virginal and overly verbose Ph.D Parker (Charles Ying) takes a quiet interest in her. Joining the three girls is May’s niece Jolie (former Miss Hong Kong contestant Whitney Hui), a rich orphan who enjoys the club life for its non-committal, ever-changing distractions. May is concerned about Jolie, so she assigns Jacky to shadow Jolie and protect her from serious danger. Naturally, Jolie gets involved with dangerous things, leaving Jacky exasperated and hopelessly in lurrrve. All this plus PG-13 sex and more camera pans across thong-covered behinds than you could possibly ask for.
Like the previous Lan Kwai Fong movies, LKF3 alternates between people having unrealistically long conversations in booming nightclubs and softcore sex scenes where the girls work overtime to cover their breasts. The stories are snoozers; this is a movie where people look for love and then give up before finding it, discover love but ignore it before realizing that it’s always been there, or love the wrong person and acknowledge that by sleeping with someone else. Yawn. Fun can be had from the carryovers and cameos. Having returning characters is cool because the viewer might feel rewarded (a stretch, I know) for sitting through the whole damn trilogy, plus it allows for some meta-snark. For example, Gregory Wong shows up as his character from the first LKF and bitches that Cat (Dada Chen) suddenly ran out on him. Famously, Dada Chen violated her contract and quit Lan Kwai Fong 3 right before it went into production. Besides being the smartest thing in the movie, this sly knock on the actress is actually pretty funny.
Previous series stars Kelvin Kwan and Dominic Ho also make brief returns in LKF3, while cameos from familiar faces like Timmy Hung, Michael Tse and Alex Fong Lik-Sun add some amusement. It’s unconfirmed if Alex Fong plays the same guy who couldn’t get into clubs in LKF 2, or if Timmy Hung is the same guy who jumped into a pool in that same film, but the two get to dry hump a punching bag in a trendy Central gym, so it’s all good. Continuity is kind of a mess in the LKF movies anyway. It’s unclear how Shiga Lin could play two different characters in the first two LKF movies, yet Jeana Ho is the same character in LKF1 and LFK3, but whatever. Thinking this deeply about the characters is far more than these movies deserve. What can you expect from a film where someone earnestly says about clubbing: “This is necessity of life. It’s something we must do.” Brushing your teeth is something you must do, but clubbing? Not in agreement.
Lan Kwai Fong 3 does go too far when it introduces subject matter like drug use and date rape only to use them as props for a supposedly-touching love story that’s resolved in ten minutes of cheesy MTV footage. Previous LKF movies had enough sense not to get too dark, but LKF3 goes there and then quickly brushes it aside. If a film gets that ugly and irresponsible, then questioning its morals is A-OK. But really, if you’re outraged at this movie then it’s absolutely your problem, because this is the sequel to those trashy Lan Kwai Fong movies and you chose to see it. These are vapid movies made for vapid people – or those with the good sense to not take them seriously – and only exist as an excuse to peddle countless shots of sculpted, pushed-up flesh. It’s your fault that you can’t moderate your scorn, so man up and admit that you paid good money to watch Lan Kwai Fong 3. Your friends will forgive you. Also, may God have mercy on your soul.
(Kozo, 1/2014) |
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