Damn You, Kozo briefly returns from the dead. In celebration, Yotsuba says “Hi.”

“You’re still reading this blog? Poor saps.”

It’s a new month, but I doubt I’ll be able to spend much time on Damn You, Kozo. That’s because the Hong Kong Asian Film Festival is occurring in just one week’s time, and before then I still have to write a review for PAINTED SKIN and maybe BUTTERFLY LOVERS. We’ll see how it goes. If I can I’ll squeeze in one or two entries between screenings.

Read the rest of this entry »

While writing this mini blog entry, I’m checking out the el-cheapo Chinese DVD of RED CLIFF (only HK$20 in Shamsuipo!). It’s the scene where Tony and Takeshi have their homosexual sex scene stringed instrument duel. It’s a pivotal scene because it demonstrates that they’re passionate soulmates natural comrades-in-arms who will regard each other with the utmost desire respect, even if one day they break up find themselves on opposing sides. It’s probably the cheesiest and most effective scene in RED CLIFF. John Woo, you are a master.

“I make love with this instrument.”

Anyway, we’re going dark for a while at Damn You, Kozo. Despite attempting to keep up some sort of weird schedule with this blog and the regular website updates, we’ve been upended by those one or two surprise circumstances that life occasionally throws at you. In this case, all my issues relate to my job, so they’re unavoidable. I would drop one of my other pastimes, but unfortunately, there’s not much left to do away with besides Damn You, Kozo! or LoveHKFilm.com. Despite the fact that I can get all self-absorbed on this blog, I consider LoveHKFilm.com more important, so it’s Damn You, Kozo! that has to take a powder. Them’s the breaks.

Recently, I’ve become so exhausted that I literally fall asleep at my computer or in front of the television. The latter reason is why I have yet to review either FATE or CHAOS, the two direct-to-video Hong Kong movies I talked about in my last blog entry. Nothing gets in the way of reviewing a film better than narcolepsy in front of the TV. The worst part about collapsing into sleep is that my air conditioning, television, or computer is usually left on, which means that my electric bill at the end of the month will be a staggering amount. As LoveHKFilm.com income has slowed considerably, I now regret not fighting for kickbacks from the Hong Kong film industry.

Not that the pursuit of cash has ever been my main concern. Recently, this site ran advertisements for THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR. You probably saw them if you frequented LoveHKFilm.com sometime in the past month - and if you reside somewhere in North America. The ads are geo-targeted to the U.S. and Canada, and since I live in Hong Kong, I could never see them. I only remembered that the ads were running when I saw a screen capture from a U.S. IP address a few days ago.

This concerns me because shortly after MUMMY came out, I published a review that absolutely eviscerated the film, pretty much calling it the worst thing I’ve seen all year. Well, maybe it’s not the worst thing I’ve seen all year, but in terms of dollars spent by the filmmakers it’s easily the biggest waste. I wonder if I would have done anything differently if I had been able to see the advertisement all the time. If Brendan Fraser and Jet Li had been staring at me every time I loaded up LoveHKFilm.com, would I have been nicer to the film? Postponed my review? Neglected to review it entirely? I’d like to think that the $$$$ wouldn’t have made me compromise, but frankly, we’ll never know.

“Fight me if you want that commission check!”

I imagine this dilemma must pose a bigger problem to more popular movie fansites, namely the ones that rely on industry connection, “scoops”, and spoilers. Those sites are primarily Hollywood-oriented, but that same sort of pseudo-journalism  has found its way to Asian Cinema too. Asian movies are a far different beast than they were ten years ago. The Internet was still the best way for English-speaking audiences to get information, but back then it was word of mouth and translated news reports that drove interest.

Nowadays, we have hype sites and selective coverage that can possibly skew perceptions of Asian Cinema. Hong Kong movies, in particular, get reduced to genre pictures or anything that has a “name” attached. These names, however, are only the names that have been made popular by film fests and geek sites, meaning Francis Ng, Donnie Yen, and Japanese pornstars are money. However, people like Alex Fong, Stephy Tang, or hell, even Gillian Chung don’t deserve a mention. Oddly, the hype sites do pay attention to Edison Chen. I wonder why.

“Why doesn’t anyone talk about me?”

Anyway, my original goal in writing an entry - any entry - was simply to talk about upcoming Hong Kong movies. As I doubt I’ll get to any blog entries in September, I’ll blow my wad via a handy list of dates and pictures:

Opening September 4th

THE LUCKIEST MAN
Director: Lam Chi-Chung
Starring: Chan Bak-Cheung, Bosco Wong, Yuen Qiu, Pinky Cheung, Monica Chan, Lam Chi-Chung, Chan Kwok-Kwan, plus lots of other people

“Yesss!!! Still employed!”

Lam Chi-Chung directs a cast of B and C-listers in this return to the Lunar New Year movie formula. Except, it’s September and not Lunar New Year. As this movie stars Chan Bak-Cheung, skepticism is a must.

 

RULE NO. 1
Director: Kelvin Tong
Starring: Shawn Yue, Ekin Cheng, Stephanie Che

“Don’t be depressed, kid. Your career can’t
possibly end up worse than mine!”

Ekin Cheng and Shawn Yue co-star in this horror-thriller about cops who fight ghosts. Or something. Directed by Singapore director Kelvin Tong, this film is only now getting Hong Kong play despite being released elsewhere as early as March 2008. You can find a review here.

 

A DECADE OF LOVE
Director: Too many people to mention
Starring: Also too many people to mention

I wish my bike-riding lessons were like this

One film, ten directors, and it was already reviewed. Sending you to the review saves us some typing effort.

 

September 11th

OCEAN FLAME
Director: Liu Fendou
Producer: Simon Yam
Starring: Liao Fan, Monica Mok, Simon Yam, Lam Suet

“Keep digging or we’ll make you wear a mask.”

I apparently liked this movie a lot more than everyone else - and I didn’t even like it that much. Truthfully, I can’t really recommend it unless you love pretentious movies that think intended depth equals quality. However, it’s pretty and the girl gets naked. That’s all anyone needs to know, I’m sure. We reviewed it here.

 

September 25th:

CONNECTED
Director: Benny Chan Muk-Sing
Starring: Louis Koo, Liu Ye, Barbie Hsu, Nick Cheung

“Operator? I’m looking for the nearest In-and-Out Burger!”

Some “in the know” people have recommended this film to me, so I eagerly await it. It’s a remake of the Hollywood film CELLULAR, which I unfortunately never saw. Benny Chan directs, so it should be an entertaining ride, if not a deep and insightful examination of man’s slavery to technology. I predict that Louis Koo will overact.

 

PAINTED SKIN
Director: Gordan Chan Car-Seung
Starring: Donnie Yen, Zhou Xun, Vicki Zhao, Aloys Chen

He even overacts in photos

Who cares about plot? PAINTED SKIN stars the legend that is DONNNNIEEEE, plus some other random people. On the geek meter, this is easily the #1 Hong Kong film of September.

 

OVERLOOKED:

Previously, I neglected to alert the rest of the world to THE PRETTY WOMEN, a Hong Kong film directed by Jon Hau that got theatrical play at like 2 screens sometime between the releases of RED CLIFF and LA LINGERIE. It stars Cecilia Yip and Ray Lui, and is about, um, some pretty women. Our good friend Tim Youngs was kind enough to point this out to us.

 
The sleeper hit of the year

By the way, it’s already available on a HK$20 China DVD in Shamsuipo. According to Time Out Magazine, the film made HK$90 on opening day. That’s less than 15 US dollars.

As for when I’ll be getting to these movies: A DECADE OF LOVE and OCEAN FLAME were already reviewed, and if I’m lucky I’ll manage to write RULE NO. 1 and THE LUCKIEST MAN reviews soon. I was also thinking of writing a much longer blog entry bitching about the sorry state of Hong Kong Cinema - that is, the business portion of it - while specifically calling out the pathetic release of RULE NO. 1, a movie starring Ekin Cheng and Shawn Yue that can’t even get proper theatrical play. The movie is on a handful of screens, is playing with English, Chinese AND Malaysian subtitles, and was obviously considered a flop before it even entered theaters. Really, the climate for Hong Kong Cinema is THAT bad. Frankly, the arrival of a film starring Donnie Yen is a godsend, if only because it might generate a foreign sale or two. RULE NO. 1 has no such luck; with Tartan’s Asian Extreme line shutting its doors, one wonders if there are any takers for the umpteenth variation on the pale, long-haired Asian ghost.

If I actually get to that blog entry, I expect a reaction like this:

“He still wants to keep up his blog? God, I hope not!”

Sometime in September, I’ll also be seeing the new Lawrence Lau film BALLISTIC, a Taiwan-set political police thriller starring Simon Yam, Taiwanese actor Joseph Chang, and Alice Tzeng from FORGIVE AND FORGET and SECRET. BALLISTIC is playing at the Hong Kong Summer International Film Festival, and in total I caught 5 films there. That’s nothing like the 22 I attempted at this spring’s HKIFF, not to mention the possible 30 I will attempt at the upcoming Hong Kong Asian Film Festival. If you visit the Broadway Cinematheque in October and see someone sleeping in a seat, there’s a 75% chance that it’ll be me. The other 25% is reserved for loiterers or vagrants.

In the meantime, I suggest you catch up on all the Asian movie news over at The Golden Rock, which has finally been freed following those pesky Olympics. As usual Kevin is much more up to date with what’s going on, plus he has the energy and enthusiasm that this old, aging movie watcher lacks. I think if I were ten years younger like Kevin, I’d probably be focused on turning LoveHKFilm.com into the Greatest Asian Cinema Website^TM ever or, at least, a consistently updated one. If I become independently wealthy, I’ll get right on it.

As always, we’ll end with a photo:

Hopefully it’s not Charlene that stinks

Thanks again, Apple Daily. See you all sometime later.

Wow, I actually updated this blog four times this month. It’s all because The Golden Rock has been too busy to blog reguarly. Once he returns full time, I will disappear for at least a month.

In case anyone cares, The Golden Rock is busy because of this thing:

Celebrate the Olympic spirit by letting
one of China’s mascots shoot you

Finally, Hong Kong movies are coming back to local cinemas, and like the gluttons for punishment that we are, LoveHKFilm.com will be there.

HK movies have been absent from local cinemas since the June 19th tag-team of City Without Baseball and Sparrow. Sure, there was Red Cliff and Kung Fu Hip-Hop, but neither were really Hong Kong movies. Hong Kong movies are movies starring local idols and character actors, and feature actual Hong Kong locations, Hong Kong-style pacing and wit, and probably some undue metaphor or existentialism. Donnie Yen is a plus, but he’s not a requirement.

Here’s Donnie talking to people who aren’t his mouth-breathing fans:

“I’m legendary, I tell you! Legendary!
Why won’t you morons believe me?”

Anyway, the seven-week embargo on Hong Kong films finally ended with the release of La Lingerie, which fits all the above requirements except for the one with Donnie Yen. Actual Hong Kong Cinema releases are still quiet throughout August, with only one confirmed release looming its semi-ugly head. It’s Forgive and Forget, the latest from Patrick Kong, the crazy auteur behind L For Love, L For Lies, Love is Not All Around, and Marriage with a Fool.

Scary hair never gets old

The movie stars the recently ubiquitous Andy On and Secret sweetheart Alice Tzeng, who is best described with the Zoolander phrase “She’s so hot right now.” Since it’s directed by Patrick Kong, it’s about relationships, and features melodrama and lots of crying. A twist ending is likely, too. Given the trailer, it also looks like it could be some sort of horror film - which makes it a wonder that the geek websites aren’t talking it up. Who knows, maybe it’ll be good enough for Tartan’s Asia Extreme line - that is, if Tartan were still around to have one.

You can check out the trailer here.

Patrick Kong isn’t through yet this year. It looks like he may have another film out, making it three for 2008. If so, that makes Patrick Kong the new Johnnie To - at least, as far as his output is concerned. Sadly, I just said that Patrick Kong is “the new Johnnie To”. I fully expect my quote to be taken out of context and placed on an Australian DVD release of Forgive and Forget. Of course, by then it’ll be retitled Bloody Twins or Follicles of Death or something like that. They’ll think of something.

Sadly, that’s the only Hong Kong film that I am certain will be released in August. There was some indication that Rebellion, the latest Herman Yau film starring Shawn “I appear in everything” Yue and Elanne “I will soon appear in everything” Kong, would also debut in August. However, that is, as yet, unconfirmed. At least, it’s been hard for me to confirm, what with my inability to read Chinese. Four years here and I can’t even ride the bus properly. It’s just sad.

Here’s Herman Yau leading a toast honoring Hong Kong film’s continuing survival:

“Yes! Hong Kong Cinema survives for one more day!”

If you need your Herman Yau fix now, there’s another option: pick up a copy of Chaos, which came out directly on DVD only a few days ago. I can’t tell you anything about this movie because I haven’t seen it, nor have I heard much about it. It stars former LoveHKFilm Award Winner Andrew Lin, plus Gordon Lam, Crystal Tin, and Charmaine Fong. It looks vaguely related to gangs and violence so we’ll watch it even if it’s a direct to DVD release. We would be insulting our geek credentials if we skipped a Hong Kong movie with gangs or violence. Hopefully it’ll be extreme.

Who knew about this film?

Also coming to DVD at the same time is Fate, one of those long-delayed Fortune Star HD films produced by Andrew Lau. Directed by Raymond Yip, who recently co-directed the Award-winning Warlords, the film stars Miki Yeung, Alan Kuo, and maybe one other guy whose name I can’t remember. This is a film that has been on the Fortune Star website since sometime in 2006, so who knows if it’s good or not?

I knew about this film,
but was not particularly looking forward to it

I’ll see it anyway because, well, it’s a Hong Kong movie, and as everyone knows, this site reviews Hong Kong movies. We do review films from other countries, but only because we have to feed the beast that is our Alexa ranking. That may not be enough motivation one day. Privately, I wonder when the site will have to shut down completely because there are no more Hong Kong films. Alternately, we could change our name to LoveChinaFilmBecauseChinaInstructsIt.com. If China really does instruct it, I’ll gladly comply because it’s the legal and reasonable thing to do. The AK-47 pointed at my head will also help in my decision making.

In 2012, this will be Kozo in a Hong Kong cinema

That’s it for this installment of Damn You, Movie News. Next time I’ll dish about movies coming to cinemas in September - a group which includes new flicks with Louis Koo, Ekin Cheng, Sammi Cheng (maybe, not clear on this yet), and - wait for it - DONNIE YEN! Hong Kong Cinema will surely be back then.

In the meantime, please watch the Olympics. Really, there’s stuff there you should definitely see, like that Michael Phelps guy. Also, where else can you see a fifty foot-tall Andy Lau? I’m thinking he did this to himself to make it easier to play to the cheap seats.

“I went Goliath for my fans!”

As long as Andy Lau is alive, Hong Kong film will never die.

By popular demand, I am now posting a photo of Michael Wong playing the accordion in his second ad for HSBC. Not even death can stop Stone Wong.

In The Newer Option, Stone Wong uses
his accordion to lull terrorists into submission.

The magic of mobile phone technology made this possible. Frankly, I completely forgot that this photo was taken, thereby proving the existence of Edison Chen Syndrome™, where you get so used to your technology that you take it for granted. In my case, I simply forgot that this photo existed. In Edison’s case, he forgot that someone could violate his encrypted pink Macbook and subsequently destroy the Hong Kong Entertainment industry.

“Dammit, Edison! Don’t you remember the basic rule of technology?
Never let anyone touch your equipment! Especially girls!”

Let this be a lesson to us all.

This is worth sharing:

“Mommy, look! Stone Wong can play a musical instrument!”

Even though Michael Wong barely makes films nowadays - his appearance in Tsui Hark’s Seven Swords could qualify as his last memorable screen role - the man is still around. Currently, he’s shilling for HSBC, one of Hong Kong’s two biggest banks, in print ads all over the territory.

This picture is from a magazine, but if you happen by the Tsimshatsui MTR station, you may be able to catch a larger-than-life glimpse of Wong, as this image measures a good fifteen feet high on the MTR walls. There’s also an alternate ad of Wong playing the accordion. No further commentary is necessary.

In other Wong news, you can catch Michael’s brother Russell in The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, currently losing screens all over North America.

Like The Dark Knight, this edition of Kozo’s Mailbag is a sequel.

A reader named David sent me the following:

You should review The Dark Knight

Here are the reasons why:
1) I want to hear your opinion
2) Edison Chen is in it
3) Some of the action is set in Hong Kong
4) The low amount of Hong Kong movies

David is right about points #2-4, though I question why he cares about point #1. Still, his question was echoed by comments at the LoveHKFilm Facebook group, the LoveHKFilm Community, and on Damn You, Kozo itself. My original response was some jokey review of the 10 minutes that took place in Hong Kong, but that likely was not the answer that people were asking for.

So, here’s the rest of the story. Excuse my long-windedness, but this is what happens when you ask me my opinion of a movie, Hong Kong or otherwise. To make matters worse, I refuse to be that thoughtful and insist on posting my comments without editing for coherence, clarity, or spoilers. You reap what you sow.

Batman invades Hong Kong right in time for the Olympics

My short answer: The Dark Knight is a great movie, and worthy of most of the praise it’s getting. I believe its success lies more in content than in form, but the form is still pretty damn good and either way you slice it, this is a triumph for the comic book film genre. Comic books have not been your granddad’s funny books for up to forty years, and it’s great that film adaptations of comic book heroes are finally maturing. This is an exceptional case because The Dark Knight isn’t Sin City or 300, i.e. it’s not based on a completely dark media property. Batman has seen interpretations that range all over the spectrum, and some of them were more than a little cartoony. This is easily the character’s darkest depiction outside the four-color printed form, and as an audience member, I’m grateful for it.

A round of applause for everyone

Now for the long answer.

The Dark Knight is the best live-action Batman film, if not the best comic book film ever made. Christopher Nolan and company actually delve into the character beyond just his origin, and don’t reduce him to a masked foil facing an over-the-top cartoonish villain. The Dark Knight explores what it takes to be Batman; the billions of dollars and kickass technology help, but it’s Bruce Wayne’s sacrifice and will that make it possible to put up with all the crap that Batman has to. The filmmakers doesn’t trivialize the character, and actually attempt logic and reason in their exploration of the Batman character and his world. Batman is put in tough moral positions in the film, and his methods and choices aren’t always as successful as they are telling and appropriate. He discovers the consequences of putting on a mask to fight crime, and chooses to push forward because that’s what his crusade requires. The film is as faithful a live-action representation of Batman as we’re ever likely to see. For a lifelong Batman fan, The Dark Knight is a gratifying motion picture.

For everyone else? Maybe not. I’m actually a little surprised at how much positive press The Dark Knight has been getting, because this is not a film for families or audiences looking for anything remotely warm-and-fuzzy. I maintain that good times are still the primary attraction for the mass audience, and as such, it’s strange that this dark, violent, and pessimistic film would be getting so highly rated over, say, Wall-E, which manages to have its cake and eat it too. Wall-E is a thoughtful, intelligent, and also funny, heart-warming, and happy little movie. Frankly, I liked Wall-E more than The Dark Knight - but maybe that’s because deep down, I’m a sap.

Also, Wall-E’s depiction of a junk-filled Earth reminds me of my apartment.

This movie is pretty good, too

The Zeitgeist should get some of the credit for The Dark Knight’s popularity. Aside from the Heath Ledger factor, much has been written about The Dark Knight’s brilliance in encapsulating the War on Terror and the fallout from 9/11 into its complex, borderline confusing narrative. An article in the Wall Street Journal even interprets Chris Nolan’s Batman as a metaphor for George W. Bush. I would puke if I weren’t laughing so hard. Dark Knight does possess many themes and ideas that make intriguing metaphor for the War on Terror, and willing cinema readers and columnists should have a field day looking for a hidden agenda. There’s even a column out there talking about the significance of dogs in the film. I predict that many film theory teachers will soon receive a deluge of Dark Knight papers.

I think some of the discussion is overblown; sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. The film’s themes completely make sense for Batman, and have appeared in one form or another in the comics. Christopher Nolan and the writers (Jonathan Nolan and David Goyer) swipe from nearly 70 years of comics history, and while current events undeniably influenced Nolan’s cinema interpretation, reducing the film to a simple “Batman is George W. Bush” message ignores the character’s published legacy. George W. Bush is not as self-punishing a hero as Batman, and Batman’s problems aren’t as complex as George W. Bush’s. Also Batman takes fewer vacations.

|
Fight the War on Terror and wear a kickass mask

However, Dark Knight has rightly been called out by parents groups warning of its inappropriateness for younger teens and kids. This film has disturbing images and themes, and possesses an intensity that goes beyond the stereotypical comic book film. The film is more than a little frightening, and I do feel for the disturbed tykes. However, as a film and comic book fan, The Dark Knight is a fantastic step forward for the super hero film genre. Comic books are our modern day myths, and deserve greater respect than as fodder for box office receipts, ancillary merchandising sales, and thinly-supported op-ed pieces. The Dark Knight succeeds in large part because its director wanted to make a Batman film on both his AND the character’s terms. The property is twisted slightly to fit Nolan’s realistic take on Gotham City, but the spirit and themes are faithful to the character and his source material.

If you’re a parent, though, I suggest you see the film first before piling your kids into the minivan for a family viewing.

He wants to watch The Dark Knight too.

Ultimately, I don’t think the film has a truly exceptional point of view, meaning it’s not really trying to give us a singular, overriding message. It gives time to various stories, themes and ideas - some could argue too many to efficiently process - but this, I think, is ultimately a strength of the film. The Joker, Batman, Harvey Dent, Commissioner Gordon, even Alfred - all of these characters offer different points of view in The Dark Knight’s exploration of justice, heroism and morality, and something worthwhile can be gleamed from each and every one of them. This is a great movie in large part because it possesses so much to think and talk about, even though it may not be saying anything that definitive. Postmodern superhero comics have arguably found their greatest impact when dissecting the role of the hero in our cynical times. Graphic novels like Watchmen and Frank Miller’s Dark Knight Returns are so fascinating because they take the superhero archetype and apply it to politics and the current cultural climate, and address the difficulties that come with seeking justice in a complex, compromised society.

Typically, revisionist Batman comics end up with a scene like this:

Batman has little patience for a tool of the Man

Not that The Dark Knight is perfect, because few films are. At two hours and thirty-two minutes, the film is a long haul, and could tax more than a few audience members with its enduring grimness. Christopher Nolan still needs some help in the action department; much of the action is difficult to follow, and is punctuated in a way that sometimes deflates the action (the flipped semi-truck is one large exception). Still, this falls into Nolan’s realistic take on the character, and Dark Knight one-ups Batman Begins by giving most of the action an emotional reason for occurring. Characters are put in peril, revenge is sought, and the stakes are considerably more felt. The film successfully creates the impression that anything - good or bad - can happen to its characters, and gives their choices and situations emotional weight beyond the expected good vs. evil stakes.

The actors are uniformly very good. I’d just be echoing every other person in the universe if I praised Heath Ledger’s frightening take on the Joker more, and Christian Bale is perhaps too good as Batman, in that much of the time, his character is also acting, if not as Batman (complete with that overdone, growly voice), then as his superficial playboy alter ego Bruce Wayne. The supporting roles are frequently well-written and the actors not wasted. The story is also very complete, though not without numerous plot holes that could easily be challeneged. Then again, plot holes are something that are unavoidable in a film of this size and scale, and The Dark Knight never resorts to convenience to move the plot along. The film isn’t boring either, and Nolan makes judicious and very effective use of cross-cutting, raising the stakes and upping the tension of his film smartly. There’s a lot to follow in Dark Knight, and while it’s not always easy, the tension and emotion are very well conveyed.

For a commercial film, The Dark Knight has guts, and the perfect storm of media coverage and marketing have apparently prepared people for it. It’s a smart, dramatic, and compelling piece of blockbuster entertainment, and sells pessimism and tragedy because that’s what the story and situations require. At the same time, it delivers some great action film moments (I found the debut of the Batpod to be exceptionally cool). Audiences have responded incredibly well, though I do question the overwhelming public acceptance (I’m waiting for the film to fall out of the #1 slot on IMDB’s Top 250). If the film does receive some of that discussed Oscar consideration, it would be healthy. Popular entertainment should not be excluded from serious awards consideration simply because it’s for the masses. It may not win Best Picture, but I’d be okay with seeing it in the Top 5.

Best Picture Oscar, here we come!

Then again, I’m a massive Batman fan, so my opinion on this movie could be totally, completely out-of-bounds. Hell, I’ve seen it three times and will be checking it out on IMAX in two weeks. You’re welcome to completely disregard my comments on this film. I’ve been a fan of the character for way over 20 years, so if someone wants to tell me that I’m clouded by obvious bias, then they’re welcome to. That’s what blog comments are for.

As proof of my fandom, I own this:

Complete with alternate Christian Bale head

And this:

Monkeys love Batman

I also preordered this:

I have no idea where I’ll put this

Yotsuba and the Thing approve:

Soon, they’ll have more friends to play with

About the other Dark Knight issue

Edison Chen: pwned

The above graphic came from a bulletin board here in Hong Kong, and is easily the best thing about Edison Chen’s involvement in The Dark Knight. Honestly, it’s bizarre that Edison Chen took this part because it’s a total nothing role, and one wonders what he hoped to accomplish with this minor appearance. The part is so inconsequential that it’s beneath mention, and the only reason that anyone would bring it up is to wonder why Edison even bothered to appear in the film. Surely it couldn’t have been because he matched the skills of the rest of the cast.

“Edison Chen is in this movie, too?
We’d better bring our ‘A’ game!”

I’m operating from memory here, but I seem to recall that when Edison’s appearance was first bandied about way before Sexy Photos Gate, he was reported as saying that he wasn’t going to take the role because it was so small, but changed his mind because the director asked for him personally. Really? Did Christopher Nolan really say, “Edison Chen, please play Security Guard #1?” Honestly, I find that very, very, very hard to believe.

This photo convinced Christopher Nolan
to cast Edison Chen in The Dark Knight

It’s easier to believe that Edison took the role because he’s a Batman geek like untold millions of guys are, but if that’s the case he should have simply owned up to it. He would have earned much more cred with people had that been true. As it is, he was recently dissed on the radio by Sandra Ng and Lee Lik-Chee, who asked the question, “Why did Edison choose to appear in the film?” Basically, the part makes Edison look like a bit player, and not the A-list Hong Kong star he’s been reported as.

Besides, he was out of focus. True, maybe he was going to be in focus before Sexy Photos Gate, but how much could the role of “Security Guard #1″ have been expanded? Maybe he also directed Lucius Fox to the bathroom, or opened a door for him. Someone recently suggested to me that maybe they cut a fight scene between Edison and Batman. While it would have been great to see Batman whale the tar out of Edison, I seriously doubt it’s on the cutting room floor. If deleted scenes reveal something different, I will gladly apologize and shut down LoveHKFilm.com as penance.

Wrapping Up

To finish this Batman-themed megapost, here’s a random memory:

Damn You, Kozo! You could have prevented this.

Back in 1994, I was working as an intern on the Warner Bros. lot and I delivered a package to the office of some director who had recently arrived on the lot. That director: Joel Schumacher. His new project: Batman Forever. I handed the package to his assistant, but I recall seeing Mr. Schumacher sitting in his office, feet propped up on his desk, and talking on the phone. At the time, I thought, “Wow, this guy is going to make the new Batman movie!” I was actually quite excited at the thought.

Had I knew then what I know now, I could have sprinted past his assistant and given him a severe Korean gangster film-inspired beating, thereby preventing him from ever destroying the franchise. Hindsight is a bitch.

Had I done the smart thing in 1994 and kneecapped Joel Schumacher, it would have landed me in jail. I would have been branded a criminal - a guy who attacks big-time Hollywood directors without provocation. But, if I had succeeded I would have spared the still-fledgling Internet generation from the horror of two Schumacher-directed Batman films. More importantly, the Batsuit-with-nipples and its omnipresent Internet meme might never have existed.

I could have been an unknown, unappreciated, and unheralded hero. Hey, just like Batman in The Dark Knight!

Sadly, I’m just a guy with a bunch of stuffed monkeys on his desk.

That’s it for Batman, who is hereby being served with a LoveHKFilm Embargo™, meaning we’ll be banning him from this website for a good long while. Batman is not Asian film-related, so he shouldn’t be wasting our time. This is the last time I’ll talk about Batman on this blog.

Unless I buy more toys. Or it’s related to Edison Chen.

He lived to become the villain

In an amazing cosmic coincidence, three people asked me this question, one on the LoveHKFilm forums, one on the LoveHKFilm Facebook group, and one via e-mail. The idea was also mentioned in a previous blog comment, so what the hell - I’ll bite. Also, it now qualifies as an installment of Kozo’s Mailbag.

The question: What did I think of The Dark Knight?

There happen to be Hong Kong elements in Christopher Nolan’s insane blockbuster, so this blog entry actually qualifies as Asian film-related. In an effort to stay even more on topic, I’ll just review the Hong Kong portion of the film.

THE DARK KNIGHT (2008)

A scene cut from The Dark Knight: Hong Kong Segment.

The Skinny
Batman kicks ass in Hong Kong, and not much else. Christian Bale makes a fine Caped Crusader, but I wish the movie was longer than 10 minutes. Featuring a blurry Edison Chen.

The Review
The Dark Knight opens with businessman Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman a.k.a. God) landing on top of the Peninsula, after which he checks into security at IFC Two and unwittingly hands his mobile phone to - holy crap, it’s Edison Chen! Hopefully, Lucius deleted any incriminating photos off his phone, because Good Ol’ Ed has the worst luck handling digital technology.

Apparently, Ed has been hiding in IFC Two following Sexy Photos Gate, where he stays under the radar by pretending to be a security guard. He does such a good job of staying unnoticed that cinematographer Wally Pfister doesn’t even put him in focus. Ed: you’re a master of disguise.

Anyway, Batman (the ever-personable Christian Bale) shows up and takes a header off of IFC One to glide into IFC Two. I originally thought the Caped Crusader was taking a Hong Kong trip to extradite Edison, who’s wanted in at least twelve territories for ruining the Hong Kong Entertainment industry, but Batman drops the ball and instead apprehends some guy named Lau (Chin Han), who’s hanging out in IFC Two like all white-collar criminals in Hong Kong do.

Batman’s exact reasons for grabbing Lau are unknown, but Hong Kong looks mighty fine on the big screen, thanks to the huge electric bill they rang up by keeping all the lights on at night. Batman takes out a bunch of useless Asian gangsters and makes off with Lau, though the actual action is a little too murky to get excited about. Unfortunately, neither Danny Lee nor Michael Wong makes a cameo as a Hong Kong Cop Who Breaks All The Rules^TM. Instead, the producers just hired some guy to play the main HK cop. At least he’s in focus.

My main gripe with The Dark Knight is that Batman did not complete his Hong Kong trip by dangling Edison Chen from the Bank of China building. Frankly, if anyone in Hong Kong needs to be brought to justice, it’s the people behind Gen-Y Cops. Hopefully in the third film, Batman hangs out in Hong Kong for an extended run to beat up Benny Chan, Stephen Fung, and the rest of the guys at Media Asia - especially the person who wrote the immortal line, “See you at the Jumbo.”

Some suggestions: Maggie Q shows up as Catwoman and Sam Lee replaces Cillian Murphy as the Scarecrow. The film should also feature a 10 minute IMAX sequence in Los Angeles, where Batman will zip in on the Bat Jet Ski and kidnap Paul Rudd from The Coffee Bean in Santa Monica. Nic Tse must play Robin, and should be given a chance to fight Edison Chen on top of IFC One. I say no safety cables or stunt doubles. Winner takes all, i.e., the complete set of photos and Cecilia Cheung. If they recast the Joker, it can be Juno Mak, who should get some personal time with Edison to settle some scores. The gross will be less than The Dark Knight, but should pass CJ7’s HK gross handily. I’d see it. (Kozo 2008)

“Dude, we’re in the sequel!”

Notes
- In retrospect, maybe this wasn’t so funny. Frankly, not much on this site is. As evidence, you can randomly select any page.

- Perhaps I’ll return in a day or two to write about what I think of the rest of the film. I will hopefully have seen the film in IMAX - and if it happens it’ll be the third time I’ve gone. I’ll even talk more about Edison.

LoveHKFilm.com reader Petra asked this question a couple of months ago after the first installment of Kozo & Yotsuba in Italy - which, by the way, has yet to see a second installment because I got too busy with work and lots of review writing. And when those things finally dried up, we had this monstrosity descend upon Hong Kong:

Some random individual gawks at
Tony “Tiger Face” Leung from Red Cliff

Petra’s question was, “Who is Yotsuba?”

While not an Asian film-related question, it happens to be a very appropriate one, because I featured numerous pictures of Yotsuba in that earlier blog entry. Doing so was wrong of me, because I incorrectly assumed that anyone who dropped by this blog either A) knows who Yotsuba is, or B) won’t care one way or another. As this is Damn You, Kozo! and not something anyone would confuse with a quality blog, I figured I would be safe without the explanation.

Well, I was wrong. And even though a simple search can lead you to Yotsuba’s Wikipedia page, I thought I’d explain it here.

Yay, Yotsuba!

Yotsuba is the name of a mischievous little girl created by Kiyohiko Azuma, the manga creator and all-around genius who also created a fun little gag manga called Azumanga Daioh. Yotsuba stars in the manga Yotsubato!, which basically translates as “Yotsuba &!”, with the ampersand connecting his main character to any number of things, including firecrackers, presents, global warming, flowers, and other things that may pop up in everyday life.

What makes Yotsuba interesting and fun is simply her interaction with everyday things, and the surprising honesty, impetuousness, and rampant misunderstanding that a child may display when dealing with things like school projects, ice cream, strangers, the supermarket, next-door neighbors, and trips to the beach. Yotsuba also has a bizarre green hairdo that represents a four-leaf clover. In Japanese, “Yotusba” means four-leaf clover. There’s your language lesson for the day.

Yotsuba and Cats

The manga’s motto is “Enjoy Everything”, which explains it far better than I ever could. Both Yotsuba and the stars of Azumanga Daioh have made appearances on LoveHKFilm.com before, namely as featured images on the old Life with Kozo pages. I dumped them there because I enjoy both immensely; both share the same whimsical and frequently unexpected sense of humor, and both are free of fan service, violence, or any of the extreme subjects sometimes associated with Japanese manga and animation.

Please remember, not everyone who likes Japanese animation is a pervert. I include myself in that category, though I have been referred to as a pervert on the Internet before. Fitting enough, it was a comment made on some Ekin Cheng forum somewhere.

The gun is sold separately:

“This is for all those Ekin fans! Die, Kozo!”

Anyway, Petra also asked where she can get her own Yotsuba action figure. A Yotsuba Revoltech Action Figure can be purchased from YesAsia.com or any number of online retailers, though there’s not that much Yotsuba schwag currently available. There is, however, a very nice calendar that combines photography with color illustrations of Yotsuba, placing Kiyohiko’s fictional mischief maker into a real-life context that perfectly summarizes her adventures and appeal.

Unfortunately, it’s sold out

Yotsuba isn’t about wacky hijinks or over-the-top strangeness; it’s a simple manga that’s fun, familiar and even comforting, and there’s lots to enjoy in the character’s minor adventures. I said as much to Petra in my earlier email, and soon she got her own Yotsuba action figure, and even picked up a few issues of the manga.

She sent me a picture, too:

“I’m everywhere!”

This picture proves that this blog can make a small difference. At the very least, it’s probably done more than the actual LoveHKFilm website has recently. The next goal of Damn You, Kozo: persuading everyone that Hong Kong film is not dead. The first person I’ll try to convince is myself.

Anyway, I hope everyone who reads this becomes a fan of Yotsuba, too.

“See you next time!”

My job requires me to do midyear evaluations for my staff, an always pleasant experience that I look forward to with unbridled enthusiasm and delight. Really, I’m totally telling the truth.

Here’s a photo from one of my team meetings:

“It’s his fault.”

Anyway, as of July, I would consider these to be 2008’s Top 10 Hong Kong films. In no particular order:

Run Papa Run (the #1 choice, everything else is uncertain)
Sparrow
L For Love, L For Lies
Beseiged City
Hong Kong Bronx
Playboy Cops
Shamo
City Without Baseball
Yes, I Can See Dead People
The Moss

Wow, that’s a dismal list, isn’t it? Some of the stuff that made this cut was not very good, but I had a hard time leaving them off in place of other films. There was no way that Missing, Linger, Kung Fu Dunk, or Fatal Move was making this list. They’re all more likely to make the “Worst 10″ list, though naming that right now would be useless because not much more than 20 films have been released thus far in 2008. That low number makes this the worst output from the territory since way before I was born. And I was born a while ago.

This is usually where the expected “Hong Kong movies are really lousy” rant should occur, but I maintain that this is a numbers game that would be supported if Hong Kong produced more than 50 films a year. Back when Hong Kong made 300 or so movies per year, you could expect somewhere close to 60-100 good, or at least watchable films. Percentage-wise that’s not great, but apply that percentage to current times, and you get a little less than 20 good films per year - which is more or less accurate when applied to Hong Kong Cinema in 2005-2007. If my math is bad, I apologize.

There’s also a whole other discussion here about what’s hurting Hong Kong film - i.e., lack of local support, targeting China, undue hype from the Internet, etc. - but I’ll leave that for another day. That is, if I ever talk about it at all.

Some notes: Shamo and Beseiged City get included here because neither had wide theatrical release in 2007. Two films that would have made the cut are High Noon and The Way We Are, but both are thus far officially unreleased in cinemas so I’ll leave them out to see if they make the end-of-year cut. CJ7 misses the list not because it’s bad (it isn’t), but because the amount of disappointment that came with it is so disproportionally large that I couldn’t feel good about including it.

Also, I didn’t consider The Sparkle in the Dark because I haven’t seen it yet. I’m guessing it’s not going to be Top 10 material anyway.

Some quick performance evaluations:

• Shawn Yue: A- (For making so many films, and turning in decent performances)
• Patrick Kong: B (For continuing his streak of hit questionable-quality films)
• Johnnie To: C+ (Sparrow and Linger cancel each other out; the “+” is complimentary)
• Charlene Choi: A (She’s got a ton of projects lined up, plus she gets a sympathy bump)
• Chow Yun-Fat: D (Where is he? If he does Red Circle, he could move up to “C” range.)
• Sammi Cheng: B- (One upcoming film and numerous public appearances earns her some goodwill)
• Louis Koo: A (Many movies, no stinkers. The guy’s on a roll.)
• Stephen Chow: C- (CJ7 was okay, but Shaolin Girl hurts the Chow brand)
• Jackie Chan: B- (Stretching in The Shinjuku Incident, but had less than 10 lines in Kung Fu Panda)
• Gillian Chung: D (Cut from Mei Lan Fang, and The Fantastic Water Babes is still MIA)
• Alex Fong Lik-Sun: B+ (Making strides)
• Stephy Tang: B (Has shown some improvement, despite relative lack of talent)
• Andy Lau: B+ (Still such a hard worker; now a Justice of the Peace in Hong Kong.)
• Lawrence Lau: A- (He made two films! Neither is awesome, but it’s nice to see him)
• Edison Chen: Incomplete (If Sniper and Jump get pushed to 2009, this becomes an F)
• Jet Li: B (His projects are inconsistent, but everything is better than War)
• Karena Lam: C- (Trying new things, but results have not been impressive)
• Aaron Kwok: A (Agreeing to do Storm Warriors gets him an A)
• Ekin Cheng: B+ (Storm Warriors gets him an A, but MIA film Rule Number One hurts him)
• Kelly Chen: B (*cough*Empress and the Warriors*cough*, but she’s getting married. Congrats!)
• Wong Jing: C (He passes with solid, average results)
• Jay Chou: B (Because Kung Fu Dunk was not his fault)
• Tony Leung Chiu-Wai: A (Hard to fault the guy for anything, really)
• China: Incomplete (We’ll have to see how their approval board behaves post-Olympics)

If I remember, I’ll pass out final grades at the end of the year.

Here’s a photo for good measure:

In the middle of his freestyle rap,
Jay Chou was knocked unconscious by a flying basketball.

I should not call what I’m doing blogging, because I don’t actually blog. I just post every month or so.

I would apologize for this long absence from Damn You, Kozo!, but that would assume that people actually read this thing. In many ways, LoveHKFilm.com is what it is because I assume nobody ever reads it. Our lack of attentiveness to our visitors is also why we’re totally behind, and why many other sites have leapfrogged us in traffic, popularity, and online self-congratulation. It’s also why I named this blog Damn You, Kozo!, because aside from completely usurping another person’s real name and identity, Kozo simply can’t keep up with the Joneses.

Bruce Lee said it best:

“DAMN YOU, KOZO!”

Ah, that feels better.

Anyway, in recent Hong Kong news, this person is getting married:

NOTE: Not an actual wedding photo

Everybody loves Kelly Chen - provided that you talk to the correct six out of ten people. Chances are that the four out of ten people who actually liked An Empress and the Warriors can be found in those six, and why not? The film features Kelly in heavy armor, plus the wonderful sight of Leon Lai spitting on Kelly’s bare back:

The magic of the movies!

This picture cracks me up:

You could interpret this photo at least three different ways

About Empress, someone should really talk about the genius casting one day. Thanks to the triumvirate of Donnie Yen, Kelly Chen, and Leon Lai, every audience member is guaranteed to dislike at least one person in the starring cast. Could it have killed them to cast a single actor who doesn’t have active detractors?

If you hate Hui Siu-Hung, you will go to hell

Empress and the Warriors also marks the first Mei Ah Blu-ray Disc. Ownership of a PlayStation 3 has put me on the Blu-ray bandwagon, and despite not being entirely enthused about Empress, I will be buying it. Other titles on my Blu-ray to buy list include the Infernal Affairs Trilogy, Chungking Express, and nearly anything with Tsui Hark’s name on it - short of Black Mask 2 and Missing, that is. I’d still pick up The Legend of Zu.

“Wow, I’m really sorry about Missing!”

He better be.

I doubt that the victory of Blu-ray over HD DVD will inspire a flood of Hong Kong catalog titles onto Blu-ray Disc. Such a flood did occur during the late nineties when DVD first hit the market, but even now, Hong Kong home video is beset by a terrible, terrible scourge that has destroyed home entertainment:

This logo is evil

Illegal downloading is the evil stepchild of the above, and is responsible for far more lost revenue, but I sincerely believe that crappy VCD quality - and its willing acceptance by Hong Kong consumers - is indicative of how the populace as a whole thinks of entertainment. Basically, everyone here is okay with watching movies with poor resolution, bad color, and zero features. Given that, is it a surprise that everyone’s okay with watching the latest and greatest in Asian Entertainment on You Tube?

Everyone in this photo illegally downloads

Back to Kelly’s concert:

Probably one of Kelly’s more conservative outfits

Kelly announced her upcoming marriage at the final show in her recent Hung Hom Coliseum concert series - a nice touch, since hers was the final appearance from a big star before the venue undergoes at least a year of renovation. I actually attended an earlier show (a.k.a. not the one where she said she was getting married), and here was my vantage point:

Kelly has always been a decent, if not spectacular singer - and really, she’s much better at singing than acting. The main draw here was her eye-popping assortment of wacky costumes and themes, which ranged from the cute bear-headed thing:

Love the boots

To the mermaid thing:

Hopefully Disney won’t sue

To the midriff-baring thing:

I think this was my favorite

To the white futuristic outfit with mega-huge goggles thing:

In the future we’ll all dress like this

Here’s one with Leon Lai as an accessory:

Too bad Donnie wasn’t there

Special mention must go to Kelly for her various yoga poses and exceptional good humor, which was evident because she didn’t act bothered by the people leaving their seats during her concert. For some reason, it seemed like every number was a new excuse for a bathroom break for the audience. Some people even got up to leave early. I felt like I was at a Laker game.

“Is this concert EVER going to get any better?”

In general, the concert was a fine diversion, but it was also curiously low-energy. Having attended a few other concerts in my time in Hong Kong, I must rate Kelly’s as the most non-crucial of the bunch - at least, from an audience standpoint.

About her marriage, it managed to occupy all the newspapers for a good 2-3 days here in Hong Kong - a nice change, since the news was entirely positive, and had nothing to do with scandal, judgmental mud-slinging, or accidental exposure. Sadly, it’s the exception to the norm over here.

Anyway, seeing Kelly allows me to check off yet another on my “Stars I Want To See Live, But Not Necessarily Meet” List. Now that Kelly is out of the way, my number one is sadly Leon because I’d like to see him, but yeah, meeting him is not a priority at all. If a meeting ever occurred, this could be my reaction:

An actual photo from the Kelly Chen concert

If someone asked which celebrity is the one I would most like to meet, that’s obvious: Ekin Cheng is still the number one. I hope it occurs one day, simply so we can take a picture and I can send a general “nyah-nyah” in the direction of those who think I don’t like Ekin Cheng.

Ekin and Charlene Choi on the set of Storm Warriors:

I think they’re made of wax

By the way, I still have not written about my Aaron Kwok concert experience. It may never happen now. I’m sure he’s all broken up.

Here’s a pic of him anyway:

“Tetsuooooo!!!!!”

Aaaand one last photo of Kelly:

She has something in her eye

Photo credits: As usual, thanks to Apple Daily - with an assist from Ming Pao, Sina.com, plus the World Wide Web.