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Review
by Kozo: |
A
month or so ago, this site reviewed Don't Open
Your Eyes, a Wong Jing-related horror comedy that
was roundly criticized, then begrudgingly called "partially
amusing." Given the general state of Hong Kong
Cinema, some kindness in judgment is understandable,
though that rationale sometimes seems like a catch-all
excuse. Have we really gone that soft? Are we so desperate
for semi-decent cinema that we would excuse a barely
average piece of moviemaking like Don't Open Your
Eyes? Well...once you watch the recent Dating
a Vampire, the answer to the above question is
an unequivocal "Yes!" Don't Open Your
Eyes is definitely quality-challenged, but next
to Dating a Vampire, it should play Cannes
and take home an award. Dating a Vampire is
really that bad. And to insure that someone
updates the karma checklist, it must be noted that
Wong Jing had something to do with both movies.
Eric (Alex Fong Lik-Sun)
and Cheun (Sammy) are two medical students who opt
to rent a flat in a secluded housing estate, the reason
being to concentrate on their upcoming exams. Their
best intentions go south damn quick; first of all,
Cheun wastes time and acts extremely annoying, thereby
ruining any chance at serious study time. Second,
there may be vampires in the building. Eric becomes
slightly enamored of Jade (Miki Lee), a pretty young
thing who lives in the building with her older sisters
(Zuki Lee and Cynthia Ho). But after a series of weird
noises and the appearance of a man bleeding from the
neck, Eric thinks something may be up. He enlists
the help of TV occult expert Mister M (Yuen Wah),
who all but confirms Eric's suspicions: the sisters
are vampires. Worse, they must suck the life out of
one good man to cure their aversion to daylight, and
have ear-marked Eric as the designated "good
man". But Jade is one of those insanely nice
vampires, and doesn't want Eric to die. But Eric won't
be rid of that easily, and decides to save Jade from
her upcoming underworld marriage. Can he do it without
becoming lunch in the process?
Dating a Vampire
is an obvious retread of the classic stories that
also inspired the Chinese Ghost Story films,
but Wong Jing also copies other sources with the Mister
M character. Mister M is a charlatan occult expert
who gets involved with real vampires, and is a direct
lift of the Roddy MacDowell character from the 1986
film Fright Night. Mister M's character arc
and even certain scenes are stolen wholesale from
Fright Night, which might be considered unethical
it weren't for Wong Jing's long history of stealing
ideas. Knocking Wong Jing for lifting ideas would
be like knocking Vince Carter for dunking basketballs;
it's what they do best, and if they didn't do it then
they probably wouldn't be themselves anymore. Besides,
for an obvious cinema throwaway like Dating a Vampire,
it shouldn't be that important if they steal an idea
or two. What's important is that the stolen idea somehow
makes it into a semi-entertaining motion picture.
If you've seen Wong Jing's earlier efforts, you'll
know that it's possible.
However, Dating a
Vampire neglects to steal anything resembling
quality from its sources. The film possesses some
semi-creepy staging, but the utter cheapness of the
production hurts matters considerably. The sets are
distractingly spartan, and the make-up laughably applied.
The vampires' whiteface make-up frequently rubs off,
and their claws look to be applied with rubber cement.
The acting is also inconsistent. Miki Yeung and Alex
Fong are passable, but don't generate enough chemistry
to make their Chinese Ghost Story-like plotline
even remotely compelling. Sammy overacts, as do the
vampire sisters, and thanks to the cheap makeup and
effects, they only look silly instead of frightening.
Yuen Wah is his usual self, but Andy On is wasted
as Alex Fong's big brother, an SDU officer who leads
his team into the housing estate in a hilariously
serious fashion. And the story? Slow and completely
lacking tension. The dictionary is more exciting than
the narrative of Dating a Vampire.
The biggest killer here
is the action, or the lack thereof. When the finale
rolls around, we get treated to supernatural types
jumping at each other like in the wild HK films of
old - except they do it here in slow motion with
distracting strobe effects that are all but guaranteed
to induce seizures. Director Clarence Fok also employs
jerky step printing, unclear framing, and murky moving
camera. These choices were likely made by the filmmakers
to disguise the lack of budget and choreography, but
really, they don't do a good job of doing that. Back
in the eighties, a bare bones plot and a lack of budget
were compensated for by actual creativity, be it hyperstylized
camerawork, lurid production design, or entertaining
action and wirework. Dating a Vampire compensates
for its poor writing and low budget with stuff that's
even worse. The result: an out-and-out bad movie,
and another reason to give up on Wong Jing-produced
work. That the man continues to be involved with such
transparent commercial tripe is either a testament
to his salesmanship or the result of some unknown
deal with an evil supernatural power. Considering
Wong's prolific output even during these depressing
Hong Kong Cinema days, I'm starting to believe it's
the latter reason. (Kozo 2006) |
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